Category Archives: tck

When My Daddy Returned from the Gulf War

Blog Every Day In May, Day 18. Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.

I’m not sure if there are any photos of me in my school uniform from my days of primary school in Norfolk.
This photo however was taken near the same age with my father in one of those fun period dress up places.

Most of my favourite memories are from years growing up in Europe and many of them include my dad now that he is really gone. One of the best memories I have is when I was finishing up a day from school. It was the afternoon and I had just completed a game of field hockey with the other girls and we were now changing to go home for the day. A classmate ran into the room and exclaimed to me that my father was outside. I remember shaking off the news with out a care because I knew my dad was not there. He was a world away. He was in a desert. He was not in England and certainly not at my school. Grabbing my belongings I left the school building to be proven very wrong as my eyes met my fathers. I remember the way he looked. He looked so tall (from my short stature of being a young girl) and so tanned. I do not remember my father every looking so dark. He was smiling and I dont remember if I dropped my bag or ran with it under my arm. But I ran all the way to be greeted by his arms in a hug. To be honest my eyes are filled with tears as I write this because it was such a happy memory. Times when I wish I had my father now I wish I could just close my eyes and open them again to see that same smiling face. To be able to give him one more hug. To hear him say ‘I love you’.

This is an excerpt from my post Living In England During the Gulf War.

#BlogEveryDayInMay
*photographs found here either belong to Bonnie Rose of Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnie-rose.co.uk

Quotes for Nomads

24 Replies

Today is the fourth day of May with the Blog Every Day in May challenge.

Feel free to join in and if you catch this anytime through out the month feel free to just jump right in.

Day 4, Saturday: Favorite quote (from a person, from a book, etc) and why you love it

I love finding quotes and I wish I could hold to memory many to be recited in the perfect situation. Perhaps in another life I will be blessed with a photographic memory. One reason I love to read is to come across words that speak to your inner core. Although the prompt was for one, I have three favourite quotes to share with you. These quotes speak to a very personal level with me as a nomad and traveler. The first is spoken by the Narrator in the film adaptation of the book Chocolat.

“But still the clever north wind was not satisfied.

It spoke…of towns yet to be visited,

friends in need yet to be discovered,

battles yet to be fought.”

– Chocolat

The reason I love this quote so much is because it really speaks to me as a Third Culture Kid (TCK) and now as an ATCK. I have people constantly coming in and out of my life with moving so frequently. It has made me feel like I have lived a ‘normal’ person’s lifetime in my mere thirty years. I am always being called to some place new and get itchy feet when I have not traveled to somewhere recently. To me the purpose of life is the experiences and I want to experience all the world has to offer. Those lines spoken by the narrator really tap into that nomadic existence and has been a favourite amongst my other TCK friends.

The second quote is from one of my favourite authors, Tolkien. I have been a huge fan of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings series from a young age. I read from the same books to my kids that my dad used to read from to me. If I ever wanted to get a quote tattooed on my body it would probably be the following.

“Not all those who wander are lost.”

– J.R.R.Tolkien

As a TCK, you can feel that you do not belong anywhere or that you do not have a home. You move so much and wander this world to have roots in one place. However I feel enriched in this truth. Which is why the statement about not being lost hits home to me. To be fair this quote is taken out of a poem which is found in his book, The Fellowship of the Ring, twice and is a lovely poem in its own right. The poem is about the ranger, Aragorn, who later takes his place as King. The first time the poem is mentioned it is in a letter to the Hobbits from Gandalf, before the Hobbits know that Strider is indeed Aragorn.

“All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.“

– J.R.R.Tolkein

My last quote to share with you today is from another of my favourite authors, Earnest Hemingway. I would have to say my favourite books of his are A Sun Also Rises and A Moveable Feast. This quote is from the latter. For me it really fits in with how cities, countries, and cultures embed themselves in my life and stay apart of me forever.

“If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man,

then wherever you go for the rest of your life it stays with you,

for Paris is a moveable feast.“

– Ernest Hemingway

#BlogEveryDayInMayRead about Day: |1|2|3|

Q: Have you read any of these books and do you like these quotes too?

Or do you have other quotes that speak to you as a traveler?

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Bonnie Rose

VLOG: Interacting with Third Culture Kids

5 Replies

Today is the second day of May with the Blog Every Day in May challenge. Feel free to join in and if you catch this anytime through out the month feel free to just jump right in. I will be posting my normal posts, so you get a special treat of two different posts for each day this month. Read about Day 1.

Day 2, Thursday: Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you’d like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)

I decided to do a VideoLog (VLOG) on how to interact with Third Culture Kids (TCKs).

I hope you find this informative and if you would like to know more about TCKs click the top link.

I wrote out what I wanted to say for 80% of this and the rest was just me talking. You will be able to tell when I run out of my ‘script’ because I will start saying ‘um’ frequently. I apologize and I hope to get better at my future VLOGS. Unfortunately my editing software did not want to corporate today. Let me know if you liked this VLOG and if you would like me to do more of them on the blog.

#BlogEveryDayInMay

TCK & Expat: 10 Steps to Keeping in Touch with Friends

3 Replies

This is the third part to a series about Third Culture Kids (TCKs) and friendships. In the first two parts, TCK: Saying Goodbye to Friends Pt. I and TCK: Saying Goodbye to Friends Pt. II the focus was on the effects a nomadic life has on friendships. While some friendships can remain intact, many and most slowly slip away with each move to a new location. When facing the cycle of continual loss, how can you recover and maintain your social circles?

“A Third Culture Kid (TCK) is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents’ culture. The TCK frequently builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture may be assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background.” – Wikipedia on the Definition of a TCK

Nomadic children and ATCK (Adult Third Culture Kids) are also joined by the Expat adults when it comes to having to say goodbye to friendships and hello to new ones. Having to constantly make new relationships as an adult has already proven itself as harder than when we were kids. You are no longer in an education system forced to spend hours every day with your peers. You are in the work place and in the community where friendships now have had time to really grow for those who do not move away. It can prove challenging to break into social groups. However challenging it opens you up to a new world of relationships and experiences. So what do you do now when you have to say goodbye and move to another city, country, or continent? What about the friends you leave behind and how do they adjust to your departure? Is there a way to return to old friendships after you get busy with your own separate lives?

My tips for keeping in touch with your friends:

1. Use the Phone. Whether your friend is in the same or different country you can more than likely keep in contact every month with the phone. There is nothing like hearing the voice of your friend and even a quick five minute call can do wonders for a long distance friendship. If you are unable to phone your friend, due to long distance charges, there are many smart phone aps that you can use to converse with your friend. Send free messages and calls with Viber, send free messages with Whatsapp, and send free messages and video chat with Skype and Google Hangout. The point is to keep that open channel of communication.

2. Write letters. By this I mean get actual paper and write a letter to your friend that you can send through the mail. Email is great because you can quickly send something off and it will be received instantly. While that is perfect for social networking and business it can really lack the personal touch that can help a friendship flourish. If you ever had a penpal when you were younger you can remember how great it was to recieve a letter in the mail and find out what your friend has been up too. Just remember to send the letter after you write it. It can be too easy to put off taking it ot the post office and letting the contents of the letter become old and irrelevent. Sometimes when you have not written a letter in a while it can be hard to get it started. Just think about what you would like to know about the friend you are sending it too and share that bit of information from your life. Let your friend know what you have been up too. Pretend like you are talking to them when you write your letter and do not worry about being boring. Just put your personality and how you normally talk in conversation into the letter and talk from the heart.

3. Send Cards and Care packages. Surprises in the mail are the best, so why not surprise your friend with a nice note card from your local stationary shop? Or better yet put together a care package full of items that remind you of your friend and local delicacies from the place where you are currently living. It is a great way to show to your friend that you care and are thinking of them. Plus sending them items from your current home can help connect them to your current life. If they use to live where you live now, getting a care package with some of their favourite and now hard to get items will certainly brighten their day. Just remember that sometimes it is the littlest things (ie inexpensive gifts and trinkets) that can show how much you care.

4. Use Electronic Mail. Of course make sure you both have each other’s e-mail addresses so you can keep in contact online. As great as ‘snail mail’ can be, it can also be great to just quickly check in online with your friends. Especially during stressful times and during hardships, being able to get a quick message or make sure your frined is okay shows how valuable email can be.

5. Chat Online. You can also use instant messenger services online. For example with MSN, AIM, Yahoo, and Google you can talk with your friends and do so all at once in a chat. There is nothing like turning on your computer and checking your inbox for updates from your friends.

6. Video Chat. Face time can be some of the best time shared between friends who are separated by distance. There is nothing like being able to see your friend and watch their reactions as you talk. Video conferencing now a days is even better than when it was first available to the public. Using services such as Google Hangout you can talk to more than one friend all at the same time. Depending on the quality of the connection it can be the next best thing to seeing your friend in person.

7. Make Plans. It is easier to keep in touch with friends when you know you have plans to see each other. Before it use to be hard to return back home because in the nomadic community that means the home you once knew may not be the same one to where your return. It becomes not only the question to how you will get there, but where will you stay, where will you go when you get there and what do you do with your things when you do? Using the website Friends of Friends Travel, you can plan your next trip to see each other or even travel together to a new destination. The best part of FOF Travel is that you keep your travel network within your friends and their friends so when you travel you know that you are safe. Within your travel network you have many different services you offer and take advantage of complimentary. Be it a place stay, a change to meet up with a trustworthy and friendly local, somewhere to leave your stuff, and access to travel advice and tips. If you become a premium member at FOF Travel you get access to a whole line of travel services that include (and not limited to) flights, travel insurance and tour packages. No longer do you have to reminisce about the good time and wish you could go back to the places you once lived and where you have traveled. The world is at your fingertips with your social travel network at FOF Travel. All you have to do then is make a plan to see each other. Where you go from there is up to you.

8. Be Assertive. Step up and contact your friend. Do not wait on them to make the first move, for them to check up on you, or to get a letter from them. Make it your responsibility to keep in touch. Friendship is a two way street, but sometimes all it needs is a jump start from one end to revive itself.

9. Ask questions. It is so easy to share information about our own lives. Make sure to think about questions a head of time and even write them down if you need too. Keep your friendship strong by making sure the relationship is not all about you. Even if you have known someone a long time, by asking questions you are letting them know you care and letting them be open with you about how they feel about a certain subject. In turn they are letting you into their life, sharing themselves with you and furthering the bond of trust in the relationship. The important part is to make sure your friend knows that you care about them.

10. Go with the Flow. Friendships and relationships all have peaks and valleys. Do not get strung out or dramatic when at times things dont seem to be the same as they used to be. Just go with the flow and work on the above steps to keep your friendship refreshed.

*See this Article on Friends of Friends Travel: http://www.foftravel.com/inspirations/tck-expat-10-steps-to-keeping-in-touch
**For more information on Third Culture Kids, TCKs, and ATCKS
***Photographs and wording belong to Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All rights reserved | www.bonnie-rose.co.uk

Expat to Expat Q&A: Weather

8 Replies

Today I have a bit of a treat for you. I am linking up with Belinda for a Expat to Expat: Q&A Session. Today it is mainly focused on the weather. Which for living in England is perfect because we are always talking about the weather here.

My life as an Expat:
Technically I am a dual citizen with England due to being born here to my American parents. My sons and I both have dual nationality with America. My husband is the full expat while I am a technically expat as a person who is always caught between worlds. I am Third Culture Kid (TCK) feel free to read more about my life as a TCK here. We have been living the expat life in England since the end of May 2011. We have always wanted to move to Europe since I grew up and lived in Europe until the age of seventeen. We lived in Brighton, England first and now we are living in Bath in the Somerset area. We do not ever plan to return ‘home’ to the USA. We are open to moving to other places in Europe, Asia, and elsewhere but for now are content with our life in the UK.

1. What was your favourite season back home and is it the same now; why or why not?
Technically I have never had a home and there is not one place I can compare to another from everywhere I have lived. I used to live in Hawaii while my husband was stationed on Oahu and it was pretty much Summer year round with a monsoon period. It was really lovely always being able to be outside due to the climate. I used to fantasize what it would be like to be able to layer when choosing outfits. Now that I am living the expat life in England I have many chances to layer. Leggings are pretty much a staple under anything I wear, including trousers. I still love Summer, however what I may have taken for granted with island life is now a special treat in England for when the sun breaks through the clouds.

2. Is there a place you would like to move to base solely on the weather?
There are two places that come to my mind. First Hawaii because I remember what it was like to have a free afternoon, drive out to North Shore, and just lie on the beach in the sun. I do think of the possibility of moving back there if we had to move to the USA. However based on weather I could also move to any place in Austria, Switzerland, and southern Germany. I have fond memories in all three places from my childhood in both the Summer and Winter months. Seasonal activities like hiking and camping or skiing and snowboarding in the Alps is a good enough reason for me to move there.

3. What is a piece or an article of clothing that you had to buy for your new home due to the weather?
As stated above, leggings. Also tights and thick nylons. Basically anything that I can layer with that can help keep my legs from freezing. It is also the first article of clothing that I picked up on for fashion in the UK during our first week as expats in England. Girls wear leggings with everything. Under dresses, under skirts, under high waisted and really short denim shorts (that show you bum cheeks), and under trousers. Especially in the cold months you can look around and 85% of the female population will be wearing black on their legs since most leggings come in that colour. Wellies (rainboots) are also a staple item for our expat life in England. I just had to purchase new pairs for my sons. Not just for the rainy season but for our weekly country walks. You do not wear trainers (sneakers, tennis shoes) to go roaming the countryside. Thats a sure fire way to stand out as an outsider. Of course coats and scarves in multiple varieties or staples of the UK wardrobe.

4. Have you found the weather stereotypes of your home to be true?
I have lived here as a younger girl, but yes the stereotypes of weather are true. Its cold a lot due to the usual white cloud cover across the sky and definitely if the wind is blowing. It does rain frequently. If it s not raining its cold enough to be snowing. Sometimes it rains but its not enough to even open up your brolly (umbrella). We went through quite a number of umbrellas during our first year in England due their short life expectancy and over use. When the clouds do disappear, the sun comes out, and the temperature rises you can bet that every able person will be outside enjoying every moment of the good weather.

5. Is there somewhere you would never live based solely on weather?
I do love the snow especially if I am on a vacation to make the most enjoyment out of the winter weather. However I do not think I would really want to live say in Alaska maybe or somewhere where the sun might disappear for quite a long time because I already deal with vitamin D deficiency with living in England compared to living in Hawaii. However I realize that would include say Sweden and I really want to live there sometime after traveling there. So who knows, I probably could be open to anything. Every pro has a con anyways including weather.

6. What are you looking forward to most this Spring?
I am most looking forward to wearing my shorter and sleeveless dresses. Even if that means I am also pairing them with leggings, leg warmers cardigans, and jumpers (sweaters). Just being able to wear more seasonal outfits for Spring and Summer can trick the mind into thinking it is warmer than it is, even under a coat.

7. Where you live what is your go to outfit for Spring?
I really try to not wear denim in England if I can help it. To me denmin screams ‘America’ and I already have my accent as a fashion accesorsy. No need to overkill it. I really like the feminity of wearing dresses and skirts. So my go to outfit for spring is usually a dress or skirt, leggings if the weather permits it, a cardigan or jumper (sweater) and a scarf. It really depends on the weather because if we get our rare warm days than I could easily ditch the leggings and the cardigan. I pretty much wear my sunnies (sunglasses) year round.

8. What is one event or thing that happens at this time back home that you miss at this time of the year?
Again I do not have a home to compare this too. However when it is a colder or rainy spring day I will envision wearing less clothing and being on the beach in Hawaii. I try not to do that as it is easy to always see the grass as greener. I was missing Europe while living in Hawaii. I would rather just be content because I am happy where we are living in Bath, England. If I do have my down moment I can always head into Hollister, look at the summery beach clothing and pretend in the darkness of the store that I am somewhere sunny. 😉

9. What type of flower bouquet would you love to have as a surprise?
I do love roses especially since rose is my middle name. However I have always wanted to be surprised with a beautiful pink bouquet of peonies because they are another of my favourite flower. However I also love red poppies because they remind me of my dad who passed away. He served 30 plus years in the USAF as an officer and is a veteren and I cannot help but pass a field of poppies and have him on the forefront of my mind.

10. What does your perfect Saturday look like?
Our perfect Saturday is blue skies with our without clouds and little to no rain. My family usually is outside on a country walk in the beautiful English countryside every weekend. We really love being outside in our wellies and being outside for hours. It is something I used to do with my dad when we were living in England back in the 80s and 90s. There is nothing like being in the middle of the country surrounded by nature’s beauty to let the stress of the week just melt off. It helps us remember how much we love and feel blessed to be living as expats in England. I honestly get a high off of it.

11. Are there any special holidays in the month of May in your new country?
Yes there is a bank holiday in May. British bank holidays are public holidays, recognized since 1871. It comes form the time when banks were shut so no trading could take place. There are eight of them through out the year and two of them are in May. May Day or Early May bank holiday is the first monday in May and Spring Bank Holiday is the last Monday in May.

I am linking up with Belinda for the Expat to Expat Q&A Session.

Want to play along? Here are the questions for April, feel free to answer them and link up below! {The link will be open until Sunday April 28th} Once you submit your post, feel free to share it on Twitter (#ExpatQandA) or Facebook. If you are not an expat, hop around the links below to view the other submissions!

*photography belongs to Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All rights Reserved
For more information on Third Culture Kids, TCKs, and ATCKS.

TCK: 10 Things Expats Raising Children Should Know

1 Reply

This is an article I wrote for an Expat Writing Competition at ExpatsBlog.com. While it does focus on specifics for living in England the majority of it does and can be applied to Expats from all nationalities living anywhere in the world. This is the issue about raising nomadic children outside your home country and culture in a nice Top Ten fashion.

10 Things Expats Raising Children (in England and elsewhere) Should Know

1. Depending on the age of your children and how long you will be living in the country, you may be raising Third Culture Kids, or TCK for short. Find out as much information on the subject as you can. American sociologist David C. Pollock coined TCKs as “a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside the parents’ culture. The TCK frequently builds relationships to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any. Although elements from each culture may be assimilated into the TCK’s life experience, the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar background.”

2. Expect that your children will face some sort of culture shock in England, even if you are moving from another english speaking country like the United States. Culture shock does not necessary happen immediately and can differ between individuals. Prepare your children for the tough times so that when a situation arises you can meet the challenge with comfort and flexibility.

3. Realize that your kids may transition faster in a country as a child than you will as an adult. I had lived in England as a young girl, but with raising two boys in school over here found them to adjust quicker to life in England. My boys would correct my word choice or even my pronunciation of words from the ‘American’ to the ‘English’. Kids are quite resilient and impressionable when taking in a new culture and learning the laws of the land.

4. With raising TCKs your children may find they have more in common with other nomadic children, especially as they become adults, than they do with non-TCKs from the country of which you originate.

5. While living in England give your kids the best experience of the culture by immersing them in the local customs and way of life. From holidays to sporting events, there are many facets of England that you can use to create lasting memories of a childhood abroad. Especially if you are around other expats, make sure your kids have local friends as well. As a military brat, I have known many families who never left ‘little america’ on the military compounds while living in Europe. It is one thing to visit another country as a tourist, and quite another to immerse yourself in a culture as an expat.
Bonnie Rose’s personal view as a TCK

6. Document your experiences with your children so that if you leave the country later, you will have memories for them to keep with them. Especially remember to take notice of the little ‘day to day’ things we often take for granted after living in one place for a while. These will be the things you will miss most after you move on. It will become more memories of travel for your children. Especially if you continue a nomadic life. As TCKs when you do not necessarily have a ‘home’ you connect with all the countries and cultures in which you lived. The little things like country walks on the weekend with your parents and going to the Pantos at Christmas will become important parts of their identity later on.

7.Prepare your children in England before you move back home if you plan on repatriation. Even if you moved your children around frequently with easy enough adjustments it will may not compare to the move back to your home culture. Since birth I moved around constantly growing up mainly in Europe and moved to the United States at seventeen years old. It was that move back ‘home’ with my parents that became the hardest move to date. It may not be for every one and can be harder on some than others. Knowing before hand the challenges can help the family as a whole as you embark on the next path of your life.

8. The Hidden Immigrant may be something your children will face if you are an American expat returning home from England. They will appear to look, sound, and fit right back into American life. However little things like personal interests, foods, world views may differ from their peers. Being teased for something seemingly small can trigger a form of culture shock or a feeling of being lost and alone. Recognizing these triggers and embracing that being different is okay can help transition your children into life in your home culture. Coming home may be harder because while they may not have fit in 100% as a English kid in England they may now feel they also do not fit in 100% in America. Nurture the ‘Neither/Nor’ feeling while helping them embrace the positive sides of being a nomadic child with a broaden experience and world view.

9. Help your children keep a positive view of being a nomad by keeping in contact with friends that you make abroad and with returning back if at all possible. Keeping a connection with the time period in their life where they were defining themselves as individuals will be a key part to helping them answer the question ‘Where are you from’ later in life.

10. As with anyone and anything in life there will be pros and cons. With raising third culture kids in England and else where you will find that to be the same. While there can be a continual sense of loss or not knowing where you belong, there are a long list of pros to accompany the nomadic upbringing as well. TCKs tend to get along with more people of any background, are more linguistically adept, and can adapt better than the norm. The more you know about TCKs and the more you know about how your children are feeling will make you that more experienced as a parent raising nomadic children.

Click the banner to read the original entry

* For information regarding the use of photography by Bonnie Rose and photographic services contact bonnie[at]bonnie-rose[dot]co[dot]uk

TCK: Saying Goodbye to Friends Pt. II

7 Replies

“Letting go of people or traditions is hard because you invest so much in them but to let go can be scary. But it can also be liberating. Or even essential to your happiness.“

– The Carrie Diaries (Season 1 Episode 13)

Now a days friendships have a better fighting chance with the current age of social media. With the accessibility of apps like Skype and Google’s Hangout you can have face time with friends from all over the world. There are family portraits being taken where family members stand in front of a projection screen showing a live feed of the members who live far away. My iPhone from the states that i cannot use yet in England (would have to be jail broken and unlocked) I can send text messages with it to my mum in Arizona with Whatsapp. Whether you are on a smart phone, a laptop or at home on a computer you can talk to anyone instantly through Twitter, Facebook, and Google+. The vast huge world just got immensely smaller with the technology age by which we are surrounded. It is now more common to be close friends with people you interact with online and do not live in close proximity with nor have met in person. It benefits families today just the same. When I was growing up I might get a card from a grandparent on my birthday, but I only got to see them for a few days every three or four years when we visited the US. Now that my mum is a ‘Nonna’ she can message me on Whatsapp to ask if I can get her grandsons online for a Google Hangout. Within minutes she is visually there in our kitchen asking her grandsons about what they did in school that day. It is a much more connected world than our past.

It is through that connection that I gather and keep close the friendships I have made through out the past thirty years of my life. On Facebook I have friends from as early back as primary school. I was living in England back then during the late 80’s and early 90’s from when my father was stationed at Lakenheath AFB in Norfolk. I have friends on Facebook from each place I have lived since that time all the way up to my current friendships here in Bath, England. I would say the majority of the friendships are people I have found again through Facebook, whom I may have lost contact with after moving away. These would be former classmates from the three high schools that I attended, from my University, and from the three technical schools I attended for my vocational license. What I have found interesting is how I connect closer with some people now as a expat mum with kids to some classmates whom were more of a well known acquaintance than a close friend back then. Then there are friends that I was really close with back at school and we may now be more distant and message each other once a year. Life happens and time plays a big factor. It is what plays into the love factor of the ‘love/hate’ relationship of Facebook. I love being able to reconnect and being able to keep in touch with people from all over the world. Despite how much I loved my camera, relationships are more valuable than any material item I own. After all it is relationships that give purpose to life.

On the other side of things, I see often where people will clean out their friends on social networks and try to stick with only people they actually talk to on a regular basis. I admit I have tried to do that in the past, especially during traumatic times in my life as in the death of my father. But to be fair I cannot bring myself to get rid of a whole class of ‘friends’ from my social feeds because junior high was so long ago. If I had grown up in one or even just two places as a child than it might be a possiblity. However since a TCK experiences this cycle of loss in regard to friendships and personal identity, I cling to the many places in my life where I grew up. Where I may not hold German citizenship, I do take possession of my time living in Germany as mine and the memories of that culture that are a part of who I am today. Classmates who lived in Germany at that same period that I got to know are unique because no one else can say they have shared that experience. That is what makes a TCK so complex and the friendships they make so priceless.

What has placed this subject so close to my heart recently is looking back at friendships that I am clinging too. As someone who has moved so much and has had to say goodbye so many times, I have still fought for many friendships to keep going. There is a misconception about TCKs that we do not let ourselves get to close to people, or that we can easily just walk away. There is a certain way that nomadic people prepare and work through the process of having to say goodbye and having to make a new life in a new place. That process and going through the continual cycle of it I feel has only made a TCK’s heart bigger and more accepting of people. I can open myself up to anyone that I have just met, just as someone would to a friend they have known for awhile and have gone through those specific phases of friendship. I believe that fact tied in with the amazingly large number of people I have met or became friendships with is the root cause of being overwhelmed. I want to be a great friend to everyone and I want to relive the memories shared. It can be hard to rebuild friendships with people if you find you are giving a certain higher percentage to the equation that is not being reciprocated. How much of yourself and your time do you invest in friends and relationships that become more of a one way street?

It boils down to one main realization. By finding friends that I had lost touch with through out the years in this online world of social networking, I find parts of myself and my life I had said goodbye to once already. Why would I want to have to say goodbye again?

Q: Are you a TCK/ATCK/CCK or a person of a highly nomadic life that has experienced the cycle of saying goodbye and letting go of friends? How has social networking affected your life?

Bonnie Rose

This is Pt. II, to read TCK: Saying Goodbye to Friends Pt. I click here.
For more information on Third Culture Kids, TCKs, and ATCKS.

* For information regarding the use of photography by Bonnie Rose and photographic services contact bonnie[at]bonnie-rose[dot]co[dot]uk