When People Oppose and Attack You

Today is the eight day of May with the Blog Every Day in May challenge.  Feel free to join in and if you catch this anytime through out the month feel free to just jump right in.  Day 8, Wednesday: A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.

Today’s post may seem quite short in the spectrum of my normal long winded thoughts or photography heavy posts.  I honestly believe the advice I have to give can prevent a whole lot of stress, heartache, and toxicity from others into your life.  Maybe what I have to say will not benefit you personally, but someone close to you.  Whatever the case may be I hope this wisdom can heal or protect hearts of others.

Advice from Bonnie Rose:Do not let unsolicited advice or negative judgments from others affect your heart, mind, and soul.  If you care too much about the negative judgements and  toxicity of others, it will in turn make your life toxic too.  Only heartache and stress can come of it.” – Bonnie Rose (author of A Compass Rose blog)

No joke. Every time someone in my life has said something angry, negative, or mean towards me they have had something else going on in their life.  Of course at the time I will inevitably get sad, hurt, and even angry by response.  How else would you react to someone throwing unsolicited advice, negative comments, or hateful actions about you?  In retrospect looking back at the many times this has happened, every time the person throwing this toxicity into my life has been dealing with something personal in their own life.  To state it simply people like to point fingers or address the wrong in others before looking at their own life and to avoid dealing with their own problems.  

There was the friend whose parents were going through a divorce, or the friend dealing with an impending divorce in secret, or the family member going through a miscarriage  and trying to get pregnant.  Just three examples of people dealing with real and seriously life issues that have decided to throw dirt in my face, so to speak.  Real people going through real problems and then attacking someone else for whatever reason, be it true or false. To be honest I took them out of my life and focused on those that really mattered.  I only wish I knew back then what I see plainly now.  Whatever angry and toxic comments and actions they were directing at me was just them covering up and ignoring their own problems.  It is not right, it certainly is not fair, and it most definitely is not nice.  But you do not have to let the negative unsolicited advise of others affect you so deeply.  

If it happens take a moment to mediate and reflect.  Obviously if you are in real danger or there is a threat, act accordingly.  But if their attack is not all that threatening and it just involves you ignoring them, blocking them out, or removing their toxicity from your life  then do the later.  

We may not be able to control other people but you can control how you react.

Sometimes people oppose or attack your choices simply
because they are different or remind them of their own.
Don’t let it get to you, be kind and make decisions you
know are good for yourself and the world.  Question everything. 
We have to be the change we want to see in the world.
 Nirrimi Joy Firebrace Brisbane, Queensland 

Q: Have you ever noticed this to be true with people you have interacted with in your life? 
How have you dealt with the toxicity of others?
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*photographs found here either belong to Bonnie Rose of Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnie-rose.co.uk 

  • http://hemborgwife.wordpress.com/ hemborgwife

    I agree and also I feel like jealousy spurns on many mean comments. It is often the brighter your lights shines the more others want to put it out!

    • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05022023043718407104 Bonnie Rose

      Yes. Its sad that it has to happen at all. Encouraging and building others up is how we make this world a happier place to live. x

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11959159746683961082 Aleshea

    I love that Oscar Wilde quote. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that some people aren’t worth a response.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03340277403271465452 lost in travels

    This is such a great post bonnie. this quote also came to mind that has been a new favorite of mine.
    “You don’t ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn’t matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance — you don’t have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It’s one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go.”
    – Daniell Koepke

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17568245786486683854 Niken

    yes, i’ve learned about it too through life. choose to be happy!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12590534605834342092 Kara

    Yep, my mom had to tell me the same thing last night. I get upset quite easily, and take way too much to heart and it really only has caused more heartache!

  • http://slightlytwistedjane.wordpress.com/ slightlytwistedjane

    This is so true!! Never let other people make you feel like you’re not worth all the great things :) We’re too awesome for them 😉

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18296104664782295059 Lola Rose

    This is so relevant in my life right now. I have been practising the art of not ‘reacting’ to other peoples negative actions/words. I feel so much better for it. You wrote this perfectly :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01079473916722620673 Erika @ CHiMERiKAL.com

    This is great advice. It sort of complements something I’ve heard recently, from Connie Chapman, which is: only take advice from people who have what you want. And that makes total sense… if people are operating with a different set of values, then their advice might not be right for you or what you want… and also could be coming from a toxic place, as you’ve said. Thanks for sharing! :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04592856192999277982 Sarah and Stewart

    Excellent advice! I always take what anyone tells me to heart, even though sometimes I shouldn’t. Because then I allow their toxic energy to seep into my own. Thanks for sharing!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17564500072787127882 Amanda

    Girl, this was me yesterday. I was NOT having a good day, and I went to a high school soccer game, and I apparently sat in a seat that was saved, and the people were like, “Um, this seat is saved.” And I acted all put out and sassy, and then I was immediately embarrassed. This is such great advice. Of course, some people are just mean, but they’re mean because they hate their live. Which is actually just sad, when you think about it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01086752393897150722 Chanel Jibal

    Bonnie Rose, your advice is genius. I completely soaked all this up just now. Love your blog btw

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17450964045192162771 Kendra Pahukoa

    sometimes people suck.
    even nice people can have a moment where they suck.
    so hard not to take it personally or be mad or sad or react, it’s human and how we do :). you are smart and we need to be reminded that when people suck we do not necessarily need to suck back.
    good advice mama!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08939461279564127417 Deanne Dancy

    Love your blog! Found you through Blog Every Day in May! I’m following you on Bloglovin’.