Category Archives: conceptual

The War on Girls: ‘inDependent’

In this next installment of The War on Girls I take another look at how society is failing us.  I feel the need to preempt this with the fact you may not whole heartedly agree with me.  I am not a medical professional and I do not claim that all medications are unnecessary.  Perhaps you function perfectly well with them and live a ‘normal’ life.  Or maybe you are living in a part of the world where it seems unfathomable and unbelievable that one could live a life dependent on anything but a superior being. Then again maybe this story will be all too real for you and a truth you too share.  Which ever walk of life brings you to The War on Girls series at ACR, I thank you for your open mind and taking the time to hear my words.  
Bonnie Rose Photography © 2007 – 2013 All Rights Reserved | 
There was a time in my life where I was dependent on drugs just to get through the day.  I was taking them to fight off the depression and anxiety that plagued my life after the sudden death of my father and during a near divorce in my marriage. Out in public, even with friends, anxiety attacks would make me want to rush home and just be alone.  In my solitude I could not find comfort and the emptiness would swallow me up.  I did not feel safe in my own skin.  My pills became my security blanket, helping me to feel…well to feel nothing.  They did not make me happy and they could not make me forget. However, a quick swallow and life would just slow down for a long enough moment that I could relax and calm down. My depression weighted on me heavily and often I just wanted to sleep.  Something my medication helped me do easily.  I may have not been having to feel the entirety of my sadness but I was not living life fully either. 
It was not the solution I had sought after for myself.  I had tried to be independent and take it all on by myself.  Even my closest friends did not know what I was keeping to myself.  My religion told me I could take it all on with prayer and my nomadic free spirit pushed me to carry the weight myself. But when it got to be all too much after my father’s funeral, my mum urged me to see a doctor for medical help.  I had seen therapists before and I was hungry to talk to someone.  To have someone hear me who could listen and offer advice.  My psychiatrist however spent more time filling out my prescription than he did asking about how I was doing or listening to what I had to say.  I became seduced by the magical idea that a miracle pill could help me. After all it had helped friends I know.  Was I buying into the idea that having prescriptions was trendy? I was too sad and too anxious to focus on anything but change my current state of mind. 
Bonnie Rose Photography © 2007 – 2013 All Rights Reserved | 

“There were issues with the dosage while I was taking it as they tried to find the right amount over the course of my treatment. After getting my dosage raised once and still taking it in the morning, it would knock me out so quickly. I would not even know I was getting tired until I was fast asleep. It was more than that it was the way it took away the passion and the heart of my personality. I may have not been myself with dealing with everything going on in my life, but I was definitely not me on Klonopin either. My emotions felt very flat and if I was needing to take another pill I could be really irritable and upset. I remember just wanting to be alone a lot of the time. Being around my in-laws at all brings on a lot of stress and I just sat in a closet once during the Christmas holiday to find some quiet and past out amongst the coats and the darkness until my husband found me. There did not seem to be an end to this tunnel because it was masking the problems. It was not fixing the loss of my dad or the cracks in my marriage.” 

– Excerpt from ‘Overcoming Klonopin’

You can click the link above in the excerpt to read the whole story of my personal journey with taking Klonopin.  In the end I found alternative people with optional solutions to help me find my happiness.  I realised that it was okay to ask for help and that I would have to rely on myself and be okay with that fact.  While I cannot change my past I look at my experience as a way to connect and reach out to others.  I cannot help but think that people like me have been failed by society and the people around us.  In a world where it is so much easier to find a medicinal answer to our ailments instead of a solution for the underlining problems.  Where everyone wants to get the job done and fix things but no one wants to take the time to listen.  Where we feel too scared to reach out to our friends when we are ourselves drowning in pain.  When as girls it is easier to just say we should ‘see a doctor’ or be put on medication then to see us as beautiful, raw, individuals with our individual flaws.  I have in-laws who continue to see me as a broken individual, a fragile rose with thorns, a person who should always have to see a doctor. Why?  For the believe that depression never ‘really’ goes away.  Who makes these rules and puts these shackles on us just because we are girls who feel ever pain and strain of the world around us?  Why must the girls of this world be made to feel like we are worth less and unable to be built up stronger than ever before?
Bonnie Rose Photography © 2007 – 2013 All Rights Reserved | 
I am happy to say that I found my happiness in England.  The anxiety attacks which still plagued me every now and then up until 2011 stopped as soon as I relocated back to Europe.  It amazes me that the personal triggers and situations that I knew all too well, do not phase me in my ex-pat life abroad.  I finally feel like myself.  I am not saying I do not ever get sad. I am not immune to monthly mood swings, culture shock and homesickness.  I recognize that things like ‘seasonal depression’ do exist with the changing seasons and shorter days.  For me personally I focus on a more positive look at life and I know what things can quickly turn my mood around. Cuddles from my boys, kisses from my husband, and being outside on a country walk do more for me than my pills could have done.  It makes me thankful to know that life does get better.
The photographs in this post were from my project, Secret Lies of Men & Women.  The middle image pictured was the main image chosen to represent my woman who was dependent on drugs and alcohol. The lie written on her hand states ‘i am inDEPENDENT’.  I chose to write the the word ‘dependent’ in all caps as it was the real truth visible in the image series. 

*Model: Pua | Make-up Artist: Dhyana Leung
**Photography by Bonnie Rose Photography © 2007 – 2013 All Rights Reserved |

Photography: After the Storm

I have been looking forward to showing you the photos from my photo shoot, After the Storm for a throwback Thursday post.  It was a creative collaboration with my friend and model, Pua in Hawaii.  It was a conceptual fashion photo shoot that really spoke to me about the challenges and struggles we go through in life.  When we overcome the periods of darkness and the adversity, the healing that comes after the storm.  I also wanted to give another shout out to my model for this photo shoot because she brought so much to making it successful.  My favourite time to shoot is early in the morning after sunrise and she on top of it being early she put up with the elements.  Since we could not plan on a rain shower, I had my husband assisting with a water hose and the water was quite cold. This shoot really makes me miss doing a lot of creative work in my photography field and I aim to be doing more of this in 2014.  Here are my favourite photos from my shoot:


I cannot say enough good things about my sponsor this month, Brittany Ruth.  I was so happy to have her join my side bar this month and look forward to sharing more about her blog and her adventures in Europe with you all.  As today is my photography post day I wanted to share one that I loved from the Rococo Roamer: Capture Colour Photo Blogging Challenge.  Definitely check it out to inspire your upcoming photo shoots! If you take part let Brittany Ruth and I know so we can check out your posts.  Theres more…I have a soft spot for all bloggers who visit places I grew up and Brittany has been sharing posts from Naples, Capri, and Pompeii! Want more?  Check out her blog and let her know I sent you. 😉 


Image Map
* Photography belongs to Bonnie Rose Photography © 2007 – 2013 All Rights Reserved |

Photography: Mermaid Cove

Day 31, Friday: A Vivid Memory

It was was the last Saturday in March of 2010 on the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii.  I had just driven up from my home in Mililani where I had gotten model, Alysha ready in hair and make up.   With glittery eyes and long red hair in waves she was now ready in wardrobe as my mermaid for the evening conceptual photo shoot.  I had obtained the costume at a vintage store in Tucson, Arizona on a visit at my mum’s house and had only used it once for Halloween in 2008.  Coincidentally Halloween that year had fallen on the night of my first photo exhibition in Honolulu and now it was being used again before my departure back to the mainland. I had a whole list of concepts I wanted to complete in the final months of my island life.  While many male photographers were content with shooting just bikini clad models on the sandy beaches, I had my heart set on photographing a mermaid.  Of course in my mind what mermaid photo shoot would be complete without a Prince Eric? So as we got out of the car we met Samart, our leading man to complete the vision.

On to the beach we went in one of my most favourite areas of North Shore for being secluded and devoid of tourists.  I have almost always had this area to myself on my many drives to the area.  With my camera and equipment and a bagful of props we started up the rocky cliffs for the first half of the shoot.  It soon became the golden hour and the soft warm Hawaiian sunlight lit up Alysha and Samart as they portrayed my versions of Ariel and Eric.  Which was good because the trade winds were having a field day with my light reflectors.  While on many shoots I had the luxury of a photography assistant, today it was just the three of us.  I remember before the shoot I had run down to the touristy section of walmart to pick up a collection of shells.  These I had then hot glued onto fishing wire. This made it quite easy to display the smaller shells, with easy clean up since they were all attached to the same line.  I had a few bigger shells and a nice starfish that I moved around the scene.
For the second part of the shoot I wanted to draw on the idea of Eric  being shipwrecked and either saved or discovered by Ariel.  I even had Eric catch Ariel in his net. We had a vintage table, originally from Russia, as our token piece of washed up wood.  All in all it was a really fun shoot and I despite having a very small team for the day I got the images I was hoping to come away with from concept.  All though my secret desire as a girl to become a mermaid was never realised, it was fun to orchestrate story I loved as a child.  Thank you to Alysha and Samart for making my vision possible. 
Here were my top favourite photographs from my concept shoot from ‘Mermaid Cove’. 

Like that we are complete with the Blog Every Day in May challenge.  If you would like to see my other posts for the month click the label/tag ‘maychallenge’ below.  Thank you for joining me on this month long journey and I look forward to seeing you in June with my regularly scheduled posts about photography  travel, third culture kids, and expats.

*photographs belong to Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved | 

Photography: Living Dolls

Throwback thursday and I bring you today my Living Dolls concept from a shoot back in 2010 while we were living on Oahu, Hawaii.  This idea came about after I had met worked with model Alysha and had come across another model, Kristen.  Both girls are beautiful but also had a quality that reminded me of dolls.  So with the help of my make up artist, Melissa Hurley, we transformed the models into china dolls.  Alysha’s Outfit I put together from two different dresses I found from vintage shops. Kristen’s blouse came from Target and I sewed her skirt from my own design without a pattern.  I loved that pink skirt because it was my first time to put bustles into a garment   The models were accompanied by china dolls I found from vintage stores and used a bit of trick photography and post processing to put them on bookshelves. Overall it was a fun shoot that we shot with the use of my then new Alien Bees lighting equipment.   

Here are the final edits from the Lolita Living Doll shoot 
and make sure to check out the Behind the Scenes video at the end of the post.  

Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved |
Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved |
Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved | 
Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved |
Watch the Behind the Scenes footage from the photo shoot with Bonnie Rose. 
Models: Alysha Busha & Kristen Elizabeth
Make up Artist: Melissa Hurley
Hairstylist/Styling/Photography: Bonnie Rose

 *photos belong to Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved |* For information regarding the use of photography by Bonnie Rose and photographic services contact bonnie[at]bonnie-rose[dot]co[dot]uk

Self Portrait Saturday: ‘Gateway’

Today is my first self portrait for ‘Self Portrait Saturday’ for 2013.  Hope to see you every week for each new photograph in the series.  If you have not checked out the self portraits for 2012 you can see them at Self Portraits 2012 Pt. I and Self Portraits 2012 Pt. II.  Would love to see other people’s self portraits.  If interested grab the icon from the side bar for your blog and post a link in the comments to your post. I look forward to the rest of 2013!

‘Gateway’ self portrait by Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved |

My family and I like to go on country walks on Saturdays and so I brought along my wardrobe selection, camera bag, and tripod for the journey.   I would like to start adding more videologs to my posts so here is the first one.  I have changed to a new You Tube account, but will be uploading previous videos soon.  
Video Log 23.02.13

There was a car passing by me on the narrow country road during the middle of this video.  Hense the pause and quick segway to my familia.  Thank you for checking out today’s post and hope you are having a wonderful weekend!

xx B.