Category Archives: expat

When My Daddy Returned from the Gulf War

Blog Every Day In May, Day 18. Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.

I’m not sure if there are any photos of me in my school uniform from my days of primary school in Norfolk.
This photo however was taken near the same age with my father in one of those fun period dress up places.

Most of my favourite memories are from years growing up in Europe and many of them include my dad now that he is really gone. One of the best memories I have is when I was finishing up a day from school. It was the afternoon and I had just completed a game of field hockey with the other girls and we were now changing to go home for the day. A classmate ran into the room and exclaimed to me that my father was outside. I remember shaking off the news with out a care because I knew my dad was not there. He was a world away. He was in a desert. He was not in England and certainly not at my school. Grabbing my belongings I left the school building to be proven very wrong as my eyes met my fathers. I remember the way he looked. He looked so tall (from my short stature of being a young girl) and so tanned. I do not remember my father every looking so dark. He was smiling and I dont remember if I dropped my bag or ran with it under my arm. But I ran all the way to be greeted by his arms in a hug. To be honest my eyes are filled with tears as I write this because it was such a happy memory. Times when I wish I had my father now I wish I could just close my eyes and open them again to see that same smiling face. To be able to give him one more hug. To hear him say ‘I love you’.

This is an excerpt from my post Living In England During the Gulf War.

#BlogEveryDayInMay
*photographs found here either belong to Bonnie Rose of Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnie-rose.co.uk

Coffee @ Camden in Bath, England

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I headed into town today despite the fact that I will have nineteen children at my house tomorrow for my son’s party, and there is still much to do in preparation. I felt like being spontaneous and so I met up with my husband on his lunch break to try out Coffee @ Camden in Bath. Technically it is in Camden which you can get to from the Bath city centre in a mere five minutes. If you happen to come on a nice day I highly recommend sitting outside. Their back patio area is very nice and has a picturesque view. Which was lovely especially when the sun hid back behind the clouds and it got a bit colder.

My husband ordered an Americano with the Camden Club, which is served with kettle chips, and I ordered a cafe latte and the Frittata from their lunch menu. The Frittata was delicious and it came with a side salad, bread, and chutney. The best part was being pleasantly surprised by the fact that the bread was still warm. I could easily order the same thing next time if I do not try one of their five variations of panini.

Since this was a rare ‘day date’ with my husband, I decided to treat myself to the cupcakes I had seen photos of from their Coffee @ Camden facebook page. I paired my vanilla cupcake with a hot chocolate complete with cream, marshmallows, and sprinkles for a full sweet sugar fix. It hit the spot.

When you come you must ask about their amazing chili jam. We bought a very large jar of it a week back from their stall near Milsom Place on a weekend. It literally goes quite well with anything. Toast, chicken, eggs, crackers, or even just off a spoon. We must have tried it on almost everything because our jar is now almost empty. Otherwise I would have shared a photo with you. Maybe with the next jar. 😉

Coffee @ Camden is open Monday thru Friday from 9am – 5pm

with breakfast being served until 11am. You can view their full menu here.

Coffee @ Camden

2 Claremont Terrace, Camden, Bath, BA1 3EH

Twitter: @SarararaCoffee

TCK & Expat: Sorry I’m Not Sorry

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Day 13, Monday of the Blog Every Day in May Challenge: Issue a public apology. This can be as funny or as serious or as creative as you want it to be.

I have had a bad habit growing up of saying ‘I’m sorry’ too often. Yes you should be able to say you are sorry. However someone would trip in front of me and my first inclination is to hold out my hand to grab them as I am saying ‘I’m sorry’, not that it was in anyway my fault they tripped over their own two feet. Having been born and grown up in England twice in my developmental years I have realized from moving back here as an expat that I am just very ‘English’. We apologize as a default reaction to any of life’s irritants. If someone else pushes into you on the pavement (sidewalk) or is at fault for spilling your drink at the pub you respond back with ‘sorry’. It is the currency of common curtesy.

There are still many things that people apologise for in life for which I believe you should not have to apologize. This is my list of those things as a Third Culture Kid (TCK) and as an Expat. They are fifteen things that I have been misunderstood for or accused of by others including family. It is personal.

Sorry I’m Not Sorry…

…for the choices of my parents or my spouse.
The majority of my father’s long career in the USAF was spent on military bases overseas. My parents chose that lifestyle. My husband became the son my father never had and he chose to enlist in USAF for several years after we were married. I stand behind the choices of those close in my life. I do not have to apologise to others for being their reason for it was their choice.

…for pursuing happiness.
Leaving jobs, transferring my kids from other schools, and moving across the globe to live an Expat life. For doing what I really want to do and living where I really feel most happy.

…for crying.
Being able to release the stress and express my self in mascara ruining tears is part of life. It is not a sign of weakness. I would also like to add ‘grieving’ to this following the loss of my father. I had to do it alone away from the support of family. It is human emotion.

…for being loud.
I have in laws who do not understand the way I parent, the way I teach, or the way I react if you begin a fight with me about my family. Having spent a significant part of my childhood in Italy it is ingrained in me to get loud and passionate in the many facets of my life. It does not mean I or the culture I grew up in have anger problems. ‘I’m not yelling, I’m Italian’.

…for finding happiness.
Before we moved to back to Europe I was not fully happy nor content. I was told by many that my need to return to Europe was to connect back to my childhood. They said if I was unhappy in the United States (the country of my parents origin, not mine) that I would still be unhappy in Europe. However my husband and I both found a sense of happiness that we have not experienced in so many years anywhere else. We are complete. I am in the right to say ‘I told you so’ but I should not have to do so.

…for being frugal.
I shop for hidden gems in thrifts stores and Saturday markets. I look online on amazon or ebay for cheaper alternatives than the stores. As much as I love to shop I seldom actually buy something for myself. It does not mean I am cheap. It means I know how much is in our means and it is my way to give my family all that they want without blowing it all on something costly and materialistic.

…for demanding respect.
Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself when no one else will. I never wish on anyone to be treated the way I have been as a wife and a mother by my in laws. Stand up for yourself and request the respect you deserve. Anything less is doing yourself and your family disrespect.

…for decisions made.
Never apologise for decisions you make, even if others do not understand or agree with you. Whether they end up being good or bad ones, as we learn from our mistakes. You are the one who has to live with the consequences, not other people. Follow your heart not their judgements.

….for changing your mind.
It is your prerogative and you should not continue to think or do something if through life you find yourself changing. Evolving is a human process.

…for someone else whose having a bad day.
People tend to attack others, point fingers, or make negative judgments at others when they themselves are dealing witha lot going their life and are essentially having a ‘bad day’. Do not feel you have to take any of that personally nor make excuses for their behaviour. Go ahead and unconditionally love them back but do not make excuse or apologise for it.

…for being honest.
I am well aware that I may have much different views in certain or many aspects of life when talking to someone who grew up elsewhere in life. It is okay to be different. It is not okay to be dishonest. Standing up and being yourself is different from not accepting people of different cultures or backgrounds. You should not have to apologise for being true to who you are.

…for not tolerating bad behaviour.
If we are out my husband and I request the same behaviour and attitude of my sons that we would want in the home. I should not have to apologise for parenting when I am in public. I am raising future adults, not adult children who will be entitled and think life is easy and just.

…for being inexperienced.
We as humans are always learning and always growing. We do not automatically become the best of the best when we embark on new paths or try new things. It is okay to be a beginner and you should not have to apologise for making mistakes or not being as experienced as others in the same subject.

…for saying how you feel.
You do have to show respect and courtesy when you do. But remember that someone people just take things personally whether you are polite or not.

…for where you come from.
I cannot easily answer that question but I can start with not apologising for it or the many cultures that have made me who I am today. Yes I may think, say or doing things differently than what other Americans who sound like me would expect. But it is because of my nomadic childhood in Europe and that makes me different not wrong. Whether you are a TCK or come from a town in California you should not have to apologise for it.

‘Sorry I’m Not Sorry’ conclusion:
I end this by saying the majority of personal conflicts I have had come from interactions with my husband’s family. Minor ones come from trying to assimiliate into American culture as an American who was raised abroad. If you are a Third Culture Kid who has moved to your parents home country or culture you may feel you have to apologise for every facet of your personality and life. Be courtesy and polite but do not let others make you feel like you have to apologise for who you are. Trust me as someone who has had the majority of my personal conflicts come from my in laws you have to stand up for your identity and your family. It is too easy to just pass judgments it is harder to accept the differences in others. Differences scare people. Hopefully by being strong and giving it time those who make you feel sorry will see the beauty in you.

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*photographs found here either belong to Bonnie Rose of Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnie-rose.co.uk

My Ex-pat Life

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Cheers! If you have came here today from Casey’s blog, We Took the Road Less Traveled I would like to say ‘Welcome’ and thank you for visiting! If you have not read my guest post today you can read it here at: ‘Finding Happiness when Restlessness Strikes’, a look at how to find contentment when the need to travel or move arises.

Whether you have been following along for the last few months or just here today, I would like to give you a glimpse of what it has been like to live an ex-pat life in England. We have been living here since 2011 with no intention to leave.

You can also check out my other social media sites and follow along:

My Ex-Pat Life:

Although I was born in England and grew up moving around military bases in Europe, I spent the first decade of my adult life living in the USA, where my parents came from originally I went to Uni, fell in love, got married, started our family, and become a USAF wife. In the footsteps of my parens we lived as a military family for six years in Monterey, California and Oahu, Hawaii. As my husband’s enlistment came to an end we decided it was finally time to move me back home to Europe. He got accepted into Sussex University in Brighton, England for his masters degree programme and we began our life as an Ex-pat family living in England.

I am a Third Culture Kid (TCK) and so I have always been caught between worlds. Having been born in England while my parents were stationed in Oxford, I have dual citizenship. Technically I am a citizen of England and technically I am an ex-pat from America. This has given us a unique perspective as an ex-pat family living abroad. We have learned a lot from the experience and from our mistakes in the last two years. Anyone thinking of moving to England as expats, feel free to send your questions my way and I will do my best to answer or direct you to informative sources.

My husband and I moved here with no jobs or a place to live and tried to figure it all out during a summer living first at a hostel near the beach. We got enjoy the cultural things of England like getting takeaway from the ‘chippy’, drinking copious amounts of tea, navigating our way on the public transportation system, and enjoying the sights of southern England. Eventually we figured out jobs, found a place to live, found a school, and then our sons joined us to begin the Fall 2011 in England.

We moved from an island life in Hawaii to the village life in England where we could walk to school, work, church, and the shops.

We put our kids in the local school in the village and my boys got to experience a school system of uniforms and houses, much like their beloved Harry Potter series.

We decided to not get a car and instead walk and use the buses and trains. Two years later we still do not have a car and have not seen it as a hindrance The public transportation here is something I definitely missed during my time living in the USA. It is really nice to just hop on the train and take a day trip with the family.

We have enjoyed celebrating the holidays in England especially the ones specific to this country like Bonfire Night. It is a great chance to get together with friends, watch the torch led processions see the ‘Guy’ Fawkes burn on the bonfire, and enjoy a sky full of fireworks. Even experiencing holidays such as Christmas in England has been a beautiful part of Expat life in England.

My family enjoys now living in the countryside of Bath, England where we spend our weekends donning wellies (rain boots) and walking for hours through the public footpaths. We usually always see farm animals and sometimes wild deer. There is nothing like being outside to make us remember just how happy and blessed that we are to be living here in England.

We are both so content here in England and could not imagine not living the Expat life. Has it been difficult? Sure. Have we made mistakes along the way with not knowing the correct information. You betcha. But would we trade our lives for something else? I do not believe so. Not unless it meant to live the expat life elsewhere. However we are very happy here and look forward to more travels through out Europe during our time here. Whether you are planning to relocate to England, are living here currently as expats, or want to come visit I recommend coming to the UK. Feel free to ask me any questions and I hope to be able to answer you as best as I can.

Cheers!

Bonnie Rose

Quotes for Nomads

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Today is the fourth day of May with the Blog Every Day in May challenge.

Feel free to join in and if you catch this anytime through out the month feel free to just jump right in.

Day 4, Saturday: Favorite quote (from a person, from a book, etc) and why you love it

I love finding quotes and I wish I could hold to memory many to be recited in the perfect situation. Perhaps in another life I will be blessed with a photographic memory. One reason I love to read is to come across words that speak to your inner core. Although the prompt was for one, I have three favourite quotes to share with you. These quotes speak to a very personal level with me as a nomad and traveler. The first is spoken by the Narrator in the film adaptation of the book Chocolat.

“But still the clever north wind was not satisfied.

It spoke…of towns yet to be visited,

friends in need yet to be discovered,

battles yet to be fought.”

– Chocolat

The reason I love this quote so much is because it really speaks to me as a Third Culture Kid (TCK) and now as an ATCK. I have people constantly coming in and out of my life with moving so frequently. It has made me feel like I have lived a ‘normal’ person’s lifetime in my mere thirty years. I am always being called to some place new and get itchy feet when I have not traveled to somewhere recently. To me the purpose of life is the experiences and I want to experience all the world has to offer. Those lines spoken by the narrator really tap into that nomadic existence and has been a favourite amongst my other TCK friends.

The second quote is from one of my favourite authors, Tolkien. I have been a huge fan of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings series from a young age. I read from the same books to my kids that my dad used to read from to me. If I ever wanted to get a quote tattooed on my body it would probably be the following.

“Not all those who wander are lost.”

– J.R.R.Tolkien

As a TCK, you can feel that you do not belong anywhere or that you do not have a home. You move so much and wander this world to have roots in one place. However I feel enriched in this truth. Which is why the statement about not being lost hits home to me. To be fair this quote is taken out of a poem which is found in his book, The Fellowship of the Ring, twice and is a lovely poem in its own right. The poem is about the ranger, Aragorn, who later takes his place as King. The first time the poem is mentioned it is in a letter to the Hobbits from Gandalf, before the Hobbits know that Strider is indeed Aragorn.

“All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.“

– J.R.R.Tolkein

My last quote to share with you today is from another of my favourite authors, Earnest Hemingway. I would have to say my favourite books of his are A Sun Also Rises and A Moveable Feast. This quote is from the latter. For me it really fits in with how cities, countries, and cultures embed themselves in my life and stay apart of me forever.

“If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man,

then wherever you go for the rest of your life it stays with you,

for Paris is a moveable feast.“

– Ernest Hemingway

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Q: Have you read any of these books and do you like these quotes too?

Or do you have other quotes that speak to you as a traveler?

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Bonnie Rose

VLOG: Interacting with Third Culture Kids

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Today is the second day of May with the Blog Every Day in May challenge. Feel free to join in and if you catch this anytime through out the month feel free to just jump right in. I will be posting my normal posts, so you get a special treat of two different posts for each day this month. Read about Day 1.

Day 2, Thursday: Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you’d like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)

I decided to do a VideoLog (VLOG) on how to interact with Third Culture Kids (TCKs).

I hope you find this informative and if you would like to know more about TCKs click the top link.

I wrote out what I wanted to say for 80% of this and the rest was just me talking. You will be able to tell when I run out of my ‘script’ because I will start saying ‘um’ frequently. I apologize and I hope to get better at my future VLOGS. Unfortunately my editing software did not want to corporate today. Let me know if you liked this VLOG and if you would like me to do more of them on the blog.

#BlogEveryDayInMay

Expat: Choosing the Expat Life

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The first Thursday of every month I will be linking up with Lost in Travels and Postcards from Rachel for the Expat Diaries instead of my usual ‘Throwback Thursday’ photography posts. Today I commence the Expat Diaries series on my A Compass Rose with a beginning look at ‘Choosing the Expat Life’. This is my personal look at how my husband and I got to where we are today living abroad in England.

When I met my husband at Harding University we were in a traveling theatre group that ministered to youth groups in churches in and out of state. He was a sophomore with an ever changing major and I was an incoming freshman with a plan to leave after two years. My whole life up to that point had been centered around theatre and living overseas. I was going to work on my theatre degree for two years and then hopefully transfer to a prestigious Theatre school in Australia. I had already planned out my semester abroad the following year at the University’s campus in Sydney to help me in my endeavors. Short story: The goal I had for myself was that I would be going places.

On our first date during Spring semester I told him how I was going going to be leaving to go to Australia to pursue my dreams in Theatre. My husband told me later he knew on that date that he was going to marry me. Long story short I fell head over heels for the American boy and my first real love. We dated for one semester before getting engaged for just a year. We got married the summer before his Senior year, nine months later we were pregnant with our first son, and had a newborn nine months after that. Any plans to go to Australia or be a starving actress in Los Angeles shifted as my life took a new focus and direction.

During our engagement we came up with new plans that would involved the two of us together. My only need was to be living overseas. Since we were going to a private Christian university this developed into embarking on a life of mission work. There was a current team at my small church in Naples, Italy where I had lived before we moved to the US. I figured we could put together a team from students on campus and return to help with the on going work. It seemed perfect because my husband could see the place where I had lived twice in my life, being the closest thing to a home that I had. After we were married a situation arose back in Italy closing down that path to us. As one door closes another one opens. We were invited to join a team going to southern Thailand with a summer camp friend of my husband. I had not yet been to Asia and my husband had not yet left North America, so the excitement of a new world captivated us. We formed a small team to live in Thailand that Summer working with a church to teach English. I was pregnant with Ronan when we lived in Bangkok and so our family was top priority on our minds. We learned from the locals how dangerous it had become recently where we wanted to move with the other missionary team. Between the issue of safety and other circumstances the group never went forth to that area of the Thailand. My husband and I felt lost at that point because we knew we wanted to go abroad but we did not know what to do with our lives. We needed to decide fast because Ryan was finishing his degree and I was getting closer to having our baby.

I was a freshman during 9/11 and Ryan and I had been together that first weekend on a trip with our ministry theatre group. Since then talks about the military (due to my father being an officer in the USAF) came up frequently. Ryan had even talked to a recruiter about a master degree to be a chaplain in the military. So we decided after the baby was born we would move to Arizona where my parents live and he would enlist. My father, dressed in his officer’s uniform, escorted his son-in-law to make sure the recruiters did not try to pull the wool over his eyes (as they can do). He put in that we really wanted an overseas assignment and we began the process of being a military family. My parents did six overseas tours in Europe. I figured, having known enough families that would rather stay stateside, it would be easy to do. My husband got a linguistics job that ironically would never send him to Europe, nor Asia, despite the fact that he was learning Chinese. After training in Monterey, California it would be one tour in Hawaii, followed by DC, and repeat the process through out the time spent in the military. We were so blessed to be stationed in such beautiful places but my heart was calling me elsewhere.

The Military Life on Oahu, Hawaii

The actual story of how we got from that point in our life to where we are today is not really a pretty one. Nor is it flattering. Since it does not pertain to life of an Expat, I’ll leave that story for another day. I had my English passport and I was more than ready to leave. I came to the US in 2000 with my parents and in 2011 my husband took me back to Europe. Though he was enrolled in school for his masters degree, we came with no jobs and no place to live. We essentially lived in a hostel until we were able to figure things out. It included an expensive trip back for Ryan when we were told incorrect information about his application for a marriage visa. We have also learned a lot of other mistakes along the way as rookie expats. To be fair I knew what an expat was in definition but did not fully know what it meant to be an expat until we became expats. I also did not know how vast and huge the expat world is today. Honestly had I known and had I been able to connect years back maybe I would have saved myself from some of the heartache of being a Third Culture Kid living in a foreign land of America.

Living in England with our family

The current life for expats is much different than how it would have been twenty or thirty years past due to online social networks. An expat life can be open to loneliness especially when you live very far away from family. However I do not have a ‘home’ and I dont have those friends I have grown up with my whole childhood from moving so often. But I connect with people living nomadic lives as adults that now it seems you dont ever have to feel alone. I had not realized even until the start of this year how much resources there are for expats and how many expats share their personal stories online through blogging. I find much happiness and fulfillment from just conversing with other expats all over the world on a day to day basis. I never found twitter as useful as I do today because I can easily talk with people who understand the ups and downs of expat life in seconds. If you have a heart for travel, for the world, for letting new cultures and ways of living into your life then I recommend choosing the expat life. Although the community of expats is spread worldwide, it is a close knit community. We chose the Expat life to come back to the only life I had known. We choose to stay with the Expat life because we have made a home for ourselves and essentially found our home in the world.

Q: Why have you chosen or do you want to choose the Expat life?

If you liked this you can also check out: Expat: Finding Love Abroad and Travel: Moving Abroad

Bonnie Rose