Blogtember: Fictional Short Story

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Blogtember | Thursday, September 19: 

Creative writing day: write a (very short) fictional story that starts with this sentence:
“To say I was dreading the dinner party would be the understatement of the century.”

That simple thought entertained her mind between the mundane daily activities.  Her mother had made sure her tutors had seen to keeping to the regular schedule, despite Zee’s many requests for taking the day off.  While she sat in the classroom of solitude to write out the comparisons of life in modern times to centuries past, the world was busy without her.  The entire compound was alive with bustling activity to prepare for the evening’s feast.  The manor’s normal cold setting had been dressed up in in an occasion for celebration.  Banners waved from the concrete walls of the compound and flowers decorated every space within.  A constant flow of footsteps could be heard up and down the stairs of the five stories in the main house.  In the center of it all, her mother like the queen bee, gave orders to everyone under her roof.  
Zee sat with her books, her eyes gazing out the windows wanting to be anywhere but inside.   Her tutor, a tall wiry man in his late fifties with no patience for daydreaming tapped his his cane on the wooden floor beneath her feet.  With a slight jump, Zee regained her attention and focus to the task at hand.  She recited the facts she had been taught to remember of wars, vengeance and victory. It all seemed like a bloody fairytale and surreal to her life behind fortified walls with guards.  The line of men in her family had sacrificed much to give the future generations of successors the power to live comfortably without fear.  It was in irony that Zee was made to feel like a prisoner within her city.  The only place she had ever known to call ‘home’ and yet she yearned for something more.  To have a voice and will away from guilt. 
The dinner that was held that evening had been meticulously planned over the year past, each detail arranged by her parents.  It was her rite of passage, a coming of age party to which everyone in her family had when they turned eleven years old.  She had been told to be proud and to know the purpose of duty she carried as a member of the Daveed family. However nothing of this event, nor the dinner party seemed at all to interest the girl.  While she admired the addition of the flowers it was only because they reminded me of the outside world. A place she would rather roam free and explore than bare another moment of etiquette lessons and history lectures.  
Zee sat tall in her seat at the long table in the great hall of her the family manor.  She sat flanked by her cousins Eli and Gabe who were older than her and home only for a couple more weeks of summer holiday.  They talked on either side of her about their mischiefs at school, and their plans to win the tournament starting that autumn.  It was only bits and pieces that she heard as she was lost in her own thoughts, creating art out of her food with her fork. It was then that that the doors opened loudly with  urgency and purpose. With their disruption to the the dinner party a man ran in carrying what looked to be a letter addressed and still sealed in wax.  It was given to her father who was siting by her mother, previously discussing with her uncle about the feast at hand.  He ripped open the seal and had only managed to read a few sentences himself when his wife reading over his shoulder had blurted out, “Zee!”
Her fork hit her plate with a clang in a room that felt silent at the piercing yell from her mother down the table.  She looked up as the heat flooded to her cheeks and a sickening anxious feeling tightened in her gut.  She did not know what was happening. It felt as if the whole world was staring at her and in this moment everything would be going horribly wrong.  For a girl who prayed at night for change for a way to escape this prison sentence of a life, it was in the throws of change that she felt real fear for the first time in her life.  
Her mother did not have to speak a word further to let Zee know that she requested her presence immediately at her side.  She knew her mother too well to read each syllable in one of her looks.  Her chair pushed out from behind her, Zee stood up and walked down to where her parents were sat at the end of the table. Each step she made on the hard floor made a clicking sound and like a second hand of a clock she felt the ticking clicking foreboding to what was to come. She came close enough, swallowing hard hoping for something she could not anticipate as the fear of unknowing was readily taking her in whole. The letter was now pushed at her by her father as her mother’s lips pursed in anger.
Zee’s eyes fell from her mothers to the letter, holding it now in her hands as she began to read.
…to be continued.
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Maternity Shoot on location in Wales

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Blogtember prompt for today is just photos and so I present to you a photo heavy post from a maternity shoot I did with my friend Miriam on location in Wales.  These were shot in three different locations during our time in Snowdonia. Miriam is not just a beautiful person with a beautiful heart, spirit, and soul but a fellow artist and photographer.  I am so blessed to have been able to document the last part of her pregnancy with her fourth child.  I thought I would share just a few, but I had so many favourites.  

 
Linking up with Jenni’s Blogtember challenge

*Photography belongs to Bonnie Rose Photography © 2007 – 2013 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnie-rose.co.uk 

No Poo: I Broke Up With My Shampoo & Conditioner

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Do you remember that post where I talked about coconut oil, baking soda, and how I Broke Up with my Facial Cleanser?  This is the next post in the beauty series of how I broke up with my shampoo and conditioner.  It all began back at Christmas when we made a costly move within England from Brighton to Bath.  Since then I had been trying to stretch out my shampoos to save on product.  It got to be May and I had read a post on my friend Amanda’s blog where she stated I STILL don’t use shampoo.  Back then she had been no poo (shampoo free) for three months. I had heard about this before from my sister and had half attempted it myself.  However, I had not researched how to do it well and had only been using the baking soda. This time I armed myself with the knowledge on Amanda’s blog and after a twitter conversation with her went to the store to get what I needed.  Being in England I ran into some problems as baking soda comes in either small individual packets for baking or a small container.  So if you are attempting this I recommend buying in bulk! I am now four months in and I am not looking to switch back to shampoo.
Things I learned from breaking up with my shampoo and conditioner:
  • The transition period is frustrating. I heard that it would be and I will not lie and say that it is a breeze.  The trick is to keep your hair back and just stick with it.  I ended up going with a french braid and keeping my hair in a plait, instead of wearing it down. It also benefited that I work mostly from home.  If I was working in the salon still, I am not sure how it would have gone down with my coworkers to be honest. Just remember that it is a transition and will not last forever.
  • One size does not fit all.  In this case what may work for one person may not work for you.  This could also apply to your journey with no poo and you may find you have to switch it up a bit.  The tricky part of breaking up with your shampoo and conditioner is to find the right mixture and ingredients for you. I initially started with using the paste method of baking soda because it was what I tried before.  However it was making my scalp very itchy, no matter how well I tried rinsing my my scalp.  I switched it to the baking soda wash method and went from Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV) to White Vinegar (WV).
  • I needed a new brush.  As a hairstylist I have a gazillion brushes but oddly enough did not own an all natural Boar Bristle Brush (BBB).  Since my goal is to grow my hair out long I have been trying to not touch my hair if possible.  That means if I needed to brush my hair I used a wide tooth comb and if I needed to use a comb I tried to just use my fingers.  However I realised from trouble shooting online that I needed to use my BBB.  Ever heard of how women used to brush their hair a hundred times every day?  I use to discredit that and say how horrible that was for your hair as a stylist. Upon research I now actually think it is a good thing. One you need the right kind of a brush.  The natural bristles of a BBB will help distribute the natural oils from your scalp down the hair shaft to make it soft and shiny.
  • I lose a lot of hair every day. This is something I know for a fact. I knew this back when I gave birth to my first son eight years ago.  Along with the knowledge that after you give birth you shed even more hair.  I kid you not, I was still bawling my eyes out in the shower as I saw how much hair I was ‘losing’.  So with not brushing my hair very much I started to freak myself out with seeing all the hair in the brush when I did use it.  However all those hairs that were going to come out anyways have just added up.  I am not going bald, nor is my hair thinning.  I am just overreacting to the number of hairs we can lose every day. If you are wondering that could be up to 130 hairs a day! Wash your hair once a week and do not be sad if you see around 700 hairs coming out in your hands.
  • I need to change things up. At my 3 month mark I noticed my hair was almost reverting back to what it was like during my transition stage.  Except I felt that it was almost worse because I was already three months in.  My hair was not just oily near the scalp, but really sticky.  It also seemed like my BS wash and vinegar rinse were not helping.  After doing some research I tried an egg and honey wash.  I used two egg yolks, 1 tbsp of honey, 1 tbsp of vinegar, and 1/2 tbsp of baking soda. It made a frothy mixture which I rubbed on my scalp for three minutes. I left it on for another five and then rinsed really well. I sprayed my ends with my diluted white vinegar mixture.  I could tell my hair felt better immediately but after my hair dried it was confirmed.  So just know that sometimes you may need to change up your routine.
  • There are many different ways to be ‘no poo’.  You do not have to rely on just baking soda and vinegar. There are so many other ways to go about it and you just have to find what works for you.  I also tried using a mixture of honey and aloe vera fresh from the plant to help when my scalp was itchy from the baking soda paste.  There are so many tea rinses out there that I have been meaning to try out sometime too.
  • I spend less time on my hair. When I was using shampoo (which strips your hair of natural oils, which makes your body then overproduce) I would have to wash my hair every few days.  If I used product or straightened may hair I would have to wash every day.  Now that I can go seven and ten days it has really cut down on how much time I am spending washing my hair.  But it gets better than that! My hair now dries so much faster on its own.  I do not need to be outside in the sun either.  Just being in my house my hair dries on its own in just a few hours.  I have not really timed it, but I know normally my hair would still be quite wet and not fully dry as it is now.  Which means I do not spend tons of time blow drying hair, flat ironing, or using my curling iron.
  • It can work!  Since going about it this time I realised it can work and that has been the best lesson of all.  I can go seven to ten days between washing my hair.  Between that time I will use water only (WO).  Which means yes I still bathe regularly. However I will wear a shower cap to keep my hair out of the way.  Especially if I am going 10 days between my ‘no poo’ wash I will use water only every four or five days.  The trick for me is using hot water and scrubbing my scalp.
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HOW I STYLE MY HAIR NATURALLY.

Since I have showed you how I wash my hair with out shampoo, I thought it only nice I follow in post with how I style my hair.
PRODUCTS. I am a product queen. Plus as  a hairstylist I was always coming home with new products and samples.  However since I broke up with my shampoo and conditioner I have realised my hair acts much differently.  I do not need tons of products. I am not using heat tools so I do not need heat protectants.  Honestly my bathroom full of products has been replaced with one: coconut oil.  A little bit goes a long way.  I put a small amount in my palms, rub them together to emulsify and the us sparingly.  It is the best product for my hair! We use this product for so many things in my house we are always running out!  Which ignore any frizzies in the photos of this post as we are currently out of coconut oil until our next delivery.  Coco powder has been great as a ‘dry shampoo’ and along with the coconut oil makes me smell like a cookie.
DRYING.  I do not use the hair dryer.  I will say I have used it on a couple of occasions, one being the day of my vow renewal.  Otherwise I squeeze the excess water out in the shower and blot well with a towel. I then air dry and as stated before my hair now dries very quickly. Which I equate to not having used shampoos and conditioners that are filled with chemicals and silicones.
 
STYLING.  Normally I do not do much.  The less I mess with my hair the better condition it will be in as I grow it out longer.  I will take sections starting from my hair line and twist it to help aid my wavy hair into curling nicely away from my face.  I will pin a section back from each side of my face if I am going to be out and I do not want hair in my face.  My favourite thing to do now is curl my hair with a headband.  I have previously done this with the ‘sock bun’ technique and found using three sock buns helped give me even curls. However with three it was a bit awkward to sleep on.  Plus I will leave the house with my hair in the headband, so its a great way to curl your hair during the day, if you want to let your hair down that night.
The above photos were taken on the same day.  I wore my hair that morning curled up around my headband. We spent the day out kayaking along the river and canal near Bath and it was perfect for keeping the hair out of my face.  Normally had I put it in a bun or a pony tail I would have had to fix it or would have kept playing with it. That night I took my hair down to reveal beautiful curls with no heat!
How to Curl Your Hair with No Heat!
Bonnie Rose’s step by step approach to styling your hair.

What You Will Need:
You will need either a circular stretch headband or you can use a scarf.  I found the headband creates tighter curls, wear the scarf will give you looser curls. If you are going straight to bed you can wet down your hair slightly with water. Do not do this with very wet hair or your hair will not dry fully.  Also your hair can stretch longer when it is wet compared to when it is dry which can cause breakage.

1. Comb out your hair with your fingers or a comb and determine your parting.  Now that my hair is long I am keen to use a center part.  Put your headband or scarf around your head like a halo and position accordingly.
2. Start with one side and take a section of hair in your hands. You will hold it up rap it around the headband and down.  Take the same size section and add it to what you are currently holding and repeat.  You will be working your way all the way to the back of your head.  The trick is to take the same amount of hair each time. Do not feel you have to match the amount of hair that you have accumulated, otherwise your curls will get bigger and looser the farther back you go.
3. Once you have finished one side continue wrapping your end around the headband until the end is secured.
4. Repeat on the opposite side.
5. You should now have a Princess Jasmine looking hair do. Enjoy your beauty rest or your day if you happen to do this as a day up style.
6. When you are ready slowly take your hair down.  If you used the scarf technique the easiest way is to untie it from the back and then slip the scarf out from your hair.
7. Using your fingers comb through the curls gently.  You can re curl sections with the direction they are curled to help refresh the look.
8. Use hairspray if you prefer or just use a little coconut oil to tame any fly-a-ways and add shine.

Questions  You Asked
“Is your hair naturally wavy?” 
Yes. It can also be very curly if I kept my hair chin length.  However, with the length of my hair it has weighted down my curls into waves.
“I notice you have an ombre look with your hair colour.  Are you still colouring your hair with no poo?”
No I stopped colouring my hair about fifteen months ago and wanted to grow out my natural hair colour.  So while I have always loved different variations of the ombre look, mine was not exactly intentional. I have noticed that the very ends of my hair are prone to not curl as much my virgin hair so I am wary to colour my hair again until covering up grays is a need. My natural hair is being so much nicer now that I am on poo so really working towards keeping the chemicals away.
“You worked in the salon. How did you ween yourself off of using heat tools and hair products? I cannot live without mine.”
The way my reacted while using shampoos I would not be able to live without my range of hair tools and products either. My hair really does react better without the chemicals.  I will still use my hair dryer or other heat tools sparingly for special occasions but it works against my main objective.  Long hair.  Anything you are do to your hair is going to damage it, including twirling it around your finger. I just try to work at doing what I can to promote healthy hair growth.
“Do you have a favourite homemade hair mask?”
I use to swear by my monthly coconut oil masks. They really promoted shine and helped my ends.  I did it once with my new routine and found it was very difficult to get all the coconut oil out of my hair.  There are many natural ingredients that are great for hair masks like raw honey, raw aloe, non-fat plain and organic yoghurt, avocado, and egg yolks.  I have not tried every combination yet but so far have tried two which both have included raw honey.  My first thought was ‘honey, will that not make my hair and scalp sticky?’ but it really works!  Raw honey works as a humectant and is amazing on your hair for moisture, shine, and softness.
Raw Honey & Aloe
I used the aloe straight from the aloe leaf and mixed with honey. Make sure you are using all natural organic ingredients.

Egg Yolks & Honey

The benefits of egg yolks are that they reduce breakage and support strengthening your hair.  I used the following as a ‘moisturizing wash’ to help my hair at the 3+ month mark.  I would definitely use it again as a mask.  Two egg yolks, 1 Tbsp of honey, 1 Tbsp of vinegar, and 1/2 Tbsp of baking soda. It will make a frothy mixture.
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That is my story about ‘No Poo': I Broke up with my Shampoo & Conditioner.
Feel free to ask me any questions!
*Images belong to Bonnie Rose Photography © 2007 – 2013 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnieroseblog.co.uk

Reliving: Travel Memories in Italy

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It is the next edition of Travel Tuesday with my cohost Belinda.  I look forward to reading all your posts in the link up this week.  While it may take me a bit to comment on all your posts, I do read every single one.  We are proud to announce a new exciting update starting next month!  While we do Travel Tuesday every Tuesday, the first Tuesday of every month will be our themed prompts.  On October 1st it will be the first Tuesday of the month and the prompt is:  “Show us your most favourite photo from all your travels and tell us why it means so much to you”. 


Also would like to bring to focus one of my favourites…of course I loved them all…Travel Tuesday posts from last week. Danielle from the Lifestyle Project blog had a great post about meeting  boy in Cambodia. This story touched me on a personal level as I related to one of the sweet girls I met while I was in Cambodia. I still have the painting she did that I bought from her to bring home. She had one of the sweetest smiles I have ever seen.  
This is also the next installment of Blogtember with Jenni.  The prompt for today states, “A Memory You Would Love to Relive.” 

A memory I would like to relive. There are so many that would be awesome to relive like old devolved films re-watch end over in my mind many times over.  I thought of how easy it could be to mention my late father again or in the height of my baby fever about the birth of both of my sons. Then it hit me in preparation for my Travel Tuesday post just how special traveling is  in my life. How there are certain trips that once taken cannot simply be revisited with a return flight. Which got me to focus on my memories of taking my husband ‘home’ for the first time.
Normally you bring your spouse home before you get married or shortly after depending on the circumstances. For me I brought Ryan to bella Napoli in Italia eleven years after we first met at University and nine years after we got married. It was not because I did not want him to see the place I have still lived longest than anywhere else in my life. But we had spent the majority of our relationship stateside, despite our best endeavors to find a way abroad. 
Unfortunately the photos I took on my phone of Ryan’s first couple of days in Italy including our day in Rome and our first night in Napoli were gone when I got my phone stolen days later in that trip. You can read about my night in an Italian Jail for the story on that one.
So I would love to relive all of Ryan’s firsts in Italy again. To look into his eyes as he saw Rome for the first time after we got off the plane in Italy. To watch him try his first bite of pasta in Rome. His first real taste of gelato, the nectar from the gods. Of course his first bite of pizza in its birth place of Italy. It was one of those trips you cannot simply experience the same way again the second or third time around. 
However my sons have yet to go to Italy. So on our next trip ‘home’ it will be my husband and I together watching as our sons experience the beauty if Italy for the first time. Smelling the Mediterranean salt air, tasting their first authentic pizza margherita, listening to the chorus of loud Neapolitan voices in the bush city streets, and watching their young eyes as they see where their mum grew up as a girl. Well for a total of six years in two different times of my life. For the other places that will be another trip here and another trip there. More memories to make together and more moments in time that I will live over and over again in my mind.

Q: Where would you like to go again from the places where you have traveled? 
A Compass Rose
A Compass Rose

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Big Announcement & B.Lux

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Blogtember | Monday, September 16: Write a public love letter to someone in your life. (It doesn’t necessarily need to be romantic.)

Dear Friends,
Today I have some pretty big news but cannot begin to talk about it without saying thank you.  Thank you to so many of you who have been influential in my life and my journey in the last several years.  With out your inspiration, motivation, and encouragement I would not be on this new path that I embark.  It is with my whole heart that I write this public letter of gratitude and reflection.

Pictured with amazing supporters of my photography journey, most importantly my husband Ryan.
I have to start with my family.  Thank you to my parents for encouraging me in my creative endeavors.  For the number of cameras, rolls of film, and editing software you supplied me with while growing up at home.  Thank you to my dad, watching down from heaven, who got me my first really nice camera after the birth of my first son.  Thank you to my husband for encouraging my interests in photography and getting me my first DSLR that began it all. Thank you Ryan for letting me explore my passions.

To my expat & model friend Leigh who brought me back Penguin biscuits from England before we ever met and who I have photographed on many occasions in Hawaii and England. 
You have always been so amazing to my family and I am better for knowing you. 
Thank you to my fellow photography enthusiasts in the Hawaii military wives community.  As a self taught photographer I really appreciate all the guidance and for answering any questions I had when I first started using my DSLR.  Thank you to my good friends who let me practice and were models for me while I honed my skills with the camera.
Liisa and Melissa whose art I adore and friendship I cherish. I miss working with you both!
Thank you to my friends that I met in Hawaii who sparked my creativity passions in photography.  The painters, the illustrators, and artists who encouraged me to continue in my art.  Thank you to my models and my team of make up artists who brought to life my creative vision for my first ever photography exhibit.  It was the one photo shoot that began them all. Thank you to all the models, stylists, make up artists, and assistants that I worked with there after.  I could not have asked for a more amazing group of people to have worked with during my time in Hawaii. It was never work and you all became like family to me.  Thank you for taking confidence in me and encouraging me with each click of my camera.  Thank you to all the other photographers who treated me like their sister, teaching me and advising me in my work.  When it came to moving away from Hawaii at my last photography exhibit, I was blown away by the turnout and all the support. I may have left the island but a piece of my heart will always remain with you.

At the magazine launch for my first photos published!

Thank you to all those who were apart of my work being published in magazines, newspapers, and online publications in both my photography and my work as a hairstylist & make up artist. Thank you for your belief in me.  It has been an honour to be a part of something so much bigger than me.  Thank you also to all those who I look up to as mentors who have taken time to correspond with me in person and online.  It really has meant so much to be able to have such creative and motivated people in my field who find success doing what they love. The fact that you have taken time to encourage me in my passions still means so much to me today.

Thank you Hudson for being my cheerleader and friend and hooking a girl up when I needed help. 
Thank you to all all those I worked with in the fashion world.  From the runways of Oahu, to Tucson Fashion week on the mainland, and Bristol Fashion week here in the UK.  I have really enjoyed being able to be apart of the fashion community.  Thank you for the encouragement of all the fashion bloggers here in the UK and for welcoming me as I left the US.  Thank you to all my readers here on A Compass Rose.  You live all over the world and make me feel so connected and included in this blogosphere.  Thank you for all your support, your love, encouragement and kind words on my photography and posts.  I started blogging every day to give myself consistency in a nomadic life but I found out I return every day because of you.  You are so welcoming and so loving that it is hard to fathom that there is a form of distance by miles between us.  Thank you for following along on my journey as a photographer living the ex-pat life.

To the fashion & photography community in Hawaii you will always be my Ohana!
Faithfully Yours,
Bonnie Rose 
(pictured above in black and the long blonde wig)
Linking up with Jenni’s Blogtember challenge
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THE BIG NEWS
FROM BONNIE ROSE


It is with much excitement I announce some really big news.  I began Bonnie Rose Photography in the winter of 2007 and have been blessed with many great opportunities since that time.  This Autumn I embark on a new path with BRP and look forward to being able to give back to the photography world that has continued to inspire and motivate.

B.Lux Photography Courses

What’s in a Name?
Exposure is the amount of light allowed in when taking a photograph and is measured in lux, a unit of illuminance. I thought it only fitting to use this term as I shed light on subjects within the online BRP photography courses.

Courses
The first course of B.Lux to set to begin in October.  Soon after and throughout 2014  it will be joined by a number of other courses already in the planning stages.  The first course is entitled B.In Focus and the other courses have similar names with photography terms.

B. In Focus
In this course you will learn how to switch from automatic settings in your camera and to rely on your new knowledge of manual. The course is geared towards beginners who have only shot in auto and intermediate photographers who want a refresher to gain more confidence and skill in using manual settings.  To take the course you need a camera that can shoot in manual settings, be it a point & shoot camera or a DSLR.

It is a four week course, with freedom to go at your own pace throughout. It is structured into four week segments that include a lesson, an assignment, and quiz at the end of each section. Lessons will include text, images, videos, and mashups with 60% of the course being taught in video lectures.

You should take this course if you do not feel comfortable relying on manual when wanting to get the shot you want, or often switch back to auto when using your camera. By taking this course you will build the foundation to get your camera to do what you want it to do in manual. Though not required, this course is a recommended prerequisite for the next six photography courses that will be included in the B.Lux series.

Ready to take part in B.Lux?
Thank you for reading about the official announcement!  I know you will probably have many questions.  Do not worry much more is to come in the next two weeks.  Stay tuned for more information about B.Lux photography courses from Bonnie Rose Photography.  More information on how to  register, price, and number of openings available will be announced soon.  To make sure you do not miss out you can follow along on Bloglovin’, Facebook, and Twitter for special announcements and future updates.

Q: Are you ready for B.Lux?

*Bonnie Rose Photography @ 2007 – 2013 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnieroseblog.co.uk


Expat to Expat Q&A: 09/13

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Question from Belinda: How do you fit in to your new culture without losing some of your identity? 
This is a really interesting question for me to answer because I did not simply leave one culture/country to enter another one.  In fact I became an ex-pat into the country I was born into as a child.  Technically I am a UK citizen and have been since I was born.  Technically I am also American, with American parents, who spent ten years of her adult life actually living in America until embarking on my ex-pat life.  As a Third Culture Kid I will constantly be stuck in the ‘Neither / Nor’ category of life where I immerse myself in these different social groups, countries, and cultures while never fully being in one. 
With that said I can now try to answer the question the best that I can.  I am a chameleon soul. The type of TCK that I am when I am around someone or in a certain culture I start soaking up customs, mannerisms, expressions.  A good example would be how I realised recently I start talking like my expat friend here who is also American.  She has expressions that are from both cultures however I know when I say something that I have heard her say and I only speak that way when I am around her. Back at home with my husband and those words do not just come out without me consciously thinking about it.  My identity is made up of every country and culture I have spent a significant period of time in, especially during my developmental years growing up in Europe around military bases. My way to keep true to my chameleon soul and the heart of who I am is to just be me. Which means staying authentic. My words, my feelings, my heart and soul are the pieces that make up who I am and as long as I can share that freely with the world I will not lose myself entirely.

A family meet up in Cambodia. We will meet up anywhere in the world, since we do not have a ‘home’. 
Question from Bailie: What do you think your biggest trigger for homesickness is?
The hard part of not having a ‘set home’ or being from one place specifically is that my triggers for homesickness can really come from anywhere at anytime.  Sometimes homesickness can make me sad, sometimes nostalgic for wanting to go back, and sometimes it can make full out sob in tears.  I got homesick from watching a friend’s blog video about being in the Alps in Austria. This place holds a special place in my heart because we use to visit this area and go snowboarding with my family during the eight years that we spent in Germany and Italy.  If I had to choose a ‘home’ it might be somewhere where I felt closest to the memory of my dad and any place in the mountains of Germany, Austria, and Switzerland will be able to do that for me. I cried watching this sweet happy video that had cute music playing along with it.  I was not just sad because I missed my dad, I missed that place, and I wanted so bad to just go back there. It was not about returning to a place I traveled to as a traveler it is about returning to a place that holds my heart and might as well have been my surrogate home.  I get homesick thinking about Austria and elements like germknödel.  Something I talk about lot on this blog, and have not eaten in over a decade.  I was probably sixteen the last time I had this sweet austrian dumpling covered in custard from an mountain lodge in the Alps. It is something I crave and can not get easily.
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Just One day left for the Giveaway!

The War on Girls: Battle of Body Image

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These images a part of my series ‘The Secret Lies of Men & Women’ | Bonnie Rose Photography © 2007 – 2013 All Rights Reserved
I grew up on magazines.  In fifth grade in Italy I got my first issue of Teen magazine. In seventh grade after my move  to Germany I found out about teeny-bopper magazines like Teen Beat and BB.  For several months my walls were covered in two by four posters of Devon Sawa, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Then in 9th grade after moving back to Italy my favourite magazines grew extensively to include anything talking about fashion, beauty, or celebrities. I was swayed at the checkout aisle in stores by the attractive covers of pretty models with perfect hair and makeup and svelte bodies in beautiful clothes. I think it is important for this post to state that I did not grow up in a house with six foot tall super skinny models who looked perfect 24/7.  I instead invited them into my house by way of monthly magazine subscriptions. It was not my mother who I judged what I should look like as I became an adult but the unattainable idea of perfection from people I had never met. I modeled my version of perfection from the girls in my magazines.  
“I used to cut out magazines ads that I liked and tape them together to make strips of wallpaper in which I covered a wall of my bedroom in our rented house.  My bedroom and closet doors were a collage of magazine cut outs creating a visual piece of art.  Anything I saw that appealed to my eyes or represented what I was feeling would be meticulously cut out.  It was a creative outlet in a tangible experience.”
As a teenager I set this bar that I had to be pretty.  People are attracted to pretty shiny things and I was already looking at myself in that regard.  My goal was to be beautiful and sometimes my version of beautiful was on the verge of sexy. To be honest I did not fully understand what sexy meant. Nor did I really understand the fact that men and women’s brains work differently when it comes to how we look at the opposite sex. I never quite comprehended why my more conservative friend would tell me to pull my shirt up when my neckline started to plunge too low. What did it matter? The girls I saw on television wore the same clothes and no one was telling them they were immodest.  It was the same clothes I saw in my mail order catalogs.  Growing up in Europe the girls on the billboards wore far less clothing and I was living in a world that was more sexualized and open to the human form.

“I cannot look at my teen self, now in my thirties, and judge her because I have forgotten what it means to be sixteen.  Even the girl I was at twenty one has changed from the woman I have become.  I look at myself reflectively.”

I never felt I was able to achieve that status of perfect as a teenager.  I never felt thin enough, tall enough, fit enough, or pretty enough.  My hair was not long enough or blonde enough.  I had to wear contacts or glasses to see and even had my rite of passage of wearing braces in my younger teen years.  In University I found I was able to relax a bit more.  I met my husband my freshman year and we soon became inseparable.  I do not remember focusing so much on my body during those first two years.  I am not sure if it is because I went to a very conservative school with strict rules of modesty or because of the security I found in my college boyfriend.   Perhaps it was because I hung out more with him than I did with other females. So I never had to compare myself to girls to feel I was competing in  competition of perfection.  While my friends went to the tanning booth, I felt secure in my skin.  If at least for a while. 
After my first child was born, my body issues returned and continued unnoticed through till after my second son was born.  As I was now wanting to get my figure back a what I liked to call a dysmorphia resurfaced and this time with an eating disorder I could not ignore.  It festered and grew with an obsession I had of looking at my ideal body type online.  Photos of celebrities who were just skinny enough or too skinny.  Photos of real girls, like me, who were working towards attaining their ideal body type.  I found my online friends to be my biggest support network.  Girls who could respond to me with empathy as we were all part of the same club.  Where like fight club, no one talks about the eating disorders in real life, but hides behinds screen names online.  There was this ‘diet’ (the name I have decided would be best to omit) where every day for a certain number of days would have a certain calorie count.  From all over the world we would encourage each other online in this competition to keep to the calorie count restriction. I won one month and my online friend sent me a package of shirataki noodles that contain 0 calories. 

Self Portrait series | Bonnie Rose Photography © 2007 – 2013 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnie-rose.co.uk 
There was a time in my early twenties where I could tell you the exact calorie count of almost every food item in our kitchen. A talent I was able to achieve by constantly looking up an item of food by its quantity and how many calories that held.  As I would recall the same foods over and over again, I could put together combinations in my head quickly.   To add up which items I could eat that would stay under 100 calories as if I was a eating mathematician.  While I was not hiding my new obsession from my parents, I was hiding it from my family of my husband and kids.  If I knew my husband would be cooking and would make sure I ate, I would starve myself until then and then say I was full before finishing my meal. I may have my days were I slipped and ‘overate’ in a matter of minutes as I scarfed down food. I would then punish myself with days of fasting to get back on track. I do not want to say that fasting is not healthy because I believe the opposite.  However, the way I was doing it and at this point of my life was not healthy. This was the time of my life where I was a slave to my scale.  I would stand in my shower and scrub my skin raw in the attempts to feel clean and think that it would help me weigh less.  The days the scale went down I rejoiced and the days the scale stayed the same or got higher in number I would feel the weight of the world crashing down on me.  I wanted to be perfect like the girls I saw online. How else could my husband love me if I did not look like the best me that I could be?
It was my boss at the salon that drew my attention to how I was letting my body shrink away unnaturally.  Who helped me get into doing crossfit and yoga with my coworkers to get onto the path of finding my own happiness in life.  My weight since then has done the yoyo up and down, give or take fifteen pounds.  Depending on how much exercise and what kind of food I eat.  I have gotten near to how small I was before but this time weighing significantly more because I was eating and doing weight training to build muscle.  I am still obsessed with food but this time in eating organic, buying from local farms, and not feeding my children processed food.  If you would like to know more about what kind of a Paleo diet we model our eating style after look up The Bullet Proof Diet.  It is not exactly Paleo but based off of of science. 
My story is not over and I will still obsess over my body and how it looks.  I struggle with wanting to be perfect so I take one day at a time.  I do not weigh myself because muscle weighs more than fat and I judge my body by how well my clothes fit.  I try to stick to a  paleo diet of food that is mainly protein and vegetables and keep away from anything processed, with sugars, or carbohydrates.  I have nicknamed my diet as a ‘flexiterian’ because I allow a 85% rate of keeping on track and 15% to cheat foods.  I enjoy food and flavours and let myself fully experience passion of eating when my husband who loves to cook makes us meals.  I do not want to trade my body fat for less of it but in exchange for more muscle tone.  To be fit skinny and strong and not squishy skinny and unhappy because I am slowly starving myself over time.  I try not to fixate on perfect models and celebrities but to look at friends who have built tight bodies of strong muscle tone and and rejoice in the fact that there is another version of beautiful that is healthier than before. I love to look up fitness images that will restructure how my mind looks at beauty and strength and motivates me in my fitness journey.  You can follow along with my Fitspo Board – Pinterest. 

“I know I am not alone in this war on girls and the battle of body image.  I am just thankful that I now eat to live. Not live to eat…or to eat less and have my whole day devoted to that goal. To value food and the type of food I eat as fuel for my body to do what I love to do.”
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Meet Elspeth
For anyone who is struggling with body image I wanted to introduce you to one of my friends I met while we were both working in the salon in Hawaii.  Her name is Elspeth and she is a personal trainer and a fitness ambassador.  I met her when we were both working at the same salon in Hawaii.  She has been an influential person in directing me towards a healthier way of looking at body image.  She recently posted a before photo for the first time.  


Her caption to this was:
“I’ve never posted this ‘before’ picture, but I hope it inspires someone! The before was taken at a time where I was doing at least 7 plus hours a week of cardio, no weights, and barely eating. I weighed about 90lbs & was completely unhappy with my body and my self esteem was low. The second picture is from this month- doing roughly 90 min of cardio a week, strength training 4-5 days, and eating 5-6 small meals a day. I weigh now about 103-105 lbs and am so grateful for my journey. Not only has fitness changed my body, but its changed my whole life! Like so many people I struggled with body image issues and terrible eating habits. (And that’s not to say that I don’t have a bad day here and there-I’m human! But overall, Fitness has empowered me and has been a driving force for me to live a healthy, happy life. *Never set limitations on yourself!” – Elspeth 


I think this is a great testament to how we should approach not only body image but our whole concept of fitness and achieving your goals.  I end this by giving you three women who have influenced my view on food and fitness and hope that if you feel you have an unhealthy view of yourself and are fighting the battle of body image you will find these women as positive role models.




*Photography belong to Bonnie Rose Photography © 2007 – 2013 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnie-rose.co.uk
** The model in the title image has been photoshopped towards fitting the ‘anorexic’ role in the conceptual photographic piece for the series ‘Secret Lies of Men & Women’ by Bonnie Rose Photography.