Category Archives: vow renewal
Marriage, Inlaws and Cross Cultural Issues
It is official! My sister has finally booked her plane ticket which means my whole family will be for my vow renewal in about five weeks. Granted ‘whole family’ means my mum and my sister. I come from a very small family where both my grandmothers died before I was born and grew up with not a single cousin. However if my dad was still alive you bet he would be here in a heart beat to support us. I could not feel more blessed or more excited to see my kin.
Unfortunately I found out a couple of days ago that my husband will only have his father here to celebrate our ten years of marriage. Despite years of rocky relationships with his side of the family we still have held out that change could happen. That they would accept us a family. The problems all boil down to not meeting expectations and misunderstandings in our cross cultural relationship. However you do not need a Third Culture Kid upbringing outside the US for this happen. This could be the same situation with couples from families in different parts of the US with how vast and different the culture is through out the country.
We, my husband and I, wanted this celebration to finally bring together the two families. We can see how most of all the problems have arisen while on my in law’s turf. My husband and I thought that having his family around my family and our friends and in our home country would help them assimilate to how our family works. As a third culture kid and an American raised abroad there are many aspects of our life that they have not understood nor accepted. From moving around a lot I know the easiest way to understand a new culture is to fully immerse yourself in it and get to know the people. That was our hope from this summer. I was finally excited to not have to ‘act’ a certain way or pretend to be someone we were not just when his parents were around because they live by different expectations.
It makes me sad for my husband. Especially because I know how close he and my dad became and how proud he would be to support us. I am also sad for our my kids. This is not the first time they have missed out on time with grandparents because of self imposed drama. Last summer after a confrontation with my mother in law she left the state for several weeks, only wanting to return after I was back in England. I wish I could say I am the root cause for it all, but it just happens over and over again. It is unfortunate. However not all families talk about the problems. They happen, no one addresses it and then they smile and act like nothing happens until it carries on into the next blow up. It is not healthy and though I cannot force my in laws to like me or to be here and support us I can share with you lessons I have learned from it all.
Be Assertive. I talk about things in my family. I use things that happen in life and in current events to teach my children life lessons and to open up conversation. I do not believe in covering up the truth with sugar coated stories. I really think the worst thing you can do is to not talk about something. If I am having a bad day I would rather my husband know about it, than hope that he has magically gotten a sixth sense between when he left for work and when he got home. You have to be assertive and act.
We have the power of choice. You can choose how you act or react to situations. I chose to Let Go when it came to things out of my control. I also choose to be honest to my blog. I love to take photographs and it is nice to be complimented on them, but I feel in turn I like to be open with my thoughts. I think the worst thing is to be alone, to feel alone, or to have no one to talk too. If you feel that way, feel free to talk with me as I have been there before. It is through talking and through letting go that we can live life as adults and enjoy each precious day we are blessed with in our life.
Q: Have you ever experienced trials with families when it comes to different expectations or cultural differences? How have you gotten through it?
‘Crushed’ Bridal Self Portrait
‘Crushed’ Self Portrait by Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved |
Wedding: My Mum on my Wedding Day
Photography by Angela Alexander of Little Rock, AR | All rights Reserved |
Photography by Angela Alexander of Little Rock, AR | All rights Reserved |
These are some of my favourite candid shots taken of my mum on my wedding day by our photographer, Angela Alexander. I had previous spoken with Angela about how I did want some colour photographs but that I really loved the look of black and white. Now looking back at my wedding photographs of almost ten years past I still have to agree. Theres a way the black and white film just freezes the moment. Of course you cannot tell that my mum is currently sporting the ‘Sharon Osborne’ bright red violet hair (that coincidentally matched my wedding colours quite well) but the cinematic feel holds you into the frame.
I planned most of the wedding all by myself with the approval of my now husband. We found a lot of ways to get things that I really wanted in a more affordable DIY fashion like the flowers as mentioned last week. Then there are all the special details that my mum did which made the day complete.
Veil: I told my mum that I wanted a drop veil style with a train, similar to Princess Grace Kelly. Instead of just buying one she made one for me and it got perserved with my wedding gown after the wedding.
Crown: I have always been a little obsessed with the royal family in England since I was old enough to know that I had English citizenship. I used to have pictures of a young prince William and his mum on my vanity as a small girl. My mum found me a replica of Lady Diana’s crown to wear on my wedding and it definitely made me feel like a princess.
Jewelry: Both my necklace and my earrings came from my mum. I am quite picky when it comes to jewelry and yet she picked out the perfect pieces to fit not only my current style but my gown and the crown.
Garter: My mum and I have both made wedding garters as gifts for our friends when they get married. It only seemed natural that she would make my garter. She included special charms to fit the theme and my name (middle name Rose) and I keep it safe now with my other wedding momentos.
Flowers: The night before my wedding my mum orchestrated the ‘flower making’ with my bridal party to put together our DIY bouquets from the roses I ordered. She personally made my bouquet which I just adored.
Flower Girls: I had little fairy girls for our wedding and my mum made them the cutest fairy flower girl dresses included with wings. She also had the idea of them holding huge flowers that were big as the little girls that carried them. Overall it was a perfect look.
As I plan my Vow Renewal for August I really appreciate all the little and big things my mum contributed to the original wedding and hope you enjoyed looking through these with me too.
Q: What are some details of your wedding that were special for you?
x
Bonnie Rose
Wedding: Fresh Flowers or DIY Paper Flowers?
My 50 stem bouquet with Black Magic roses. |
Follow me on Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/bonnierose_/ |
With August still months way I have set anything in stone. However I have held on to one idea for the last two months that still seems like a lovely and viable option. Paper flowers. Paper is cheaper than fresh flowers so it fits my budget. There is the technical side that is involved in the decision to use paper flowers. Just how likely will it be that I can replicate any of the paper bouquets right now is up in the air. I also have been saving a ton of egg cartons because since we mostly eat Paleo we go through eggs very quickly. I saw how you can make flowers out of the empty cartons and that is another idea I am keeping in mind. Next to my egg cartoons I am also keeping every wine bottle and all the jars from our honey, coconut oil, olives, peanut butter, etc. So far I have quite a collection. It looks like if making my own flowers from recycled goods works I will have plenty to also use on tables and for decorations.
Here is just a sample of what I have saved so far from the recycling that we usually put outside for collection. |
My question today is: have you ever made flowers from paper and recycled goods, past the age of 10? What do you think about doing a eco friendly bouquet by repurposing materials from around the house? Did you find neat ways to save money for the flowers in your wedding?
Wedding: Destination Vow Renewal
Self Portrait on timer by Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnie-rose.co.uk |
Snowdonia, Wales. The name alone sounds like a mystical location in a fairytale story.
I must find out where this bridge is or if there are more like it near where we will be staying.
As a photographer my mind is racing with ideas for wedding and family photos.
As of last week we booked our holiday rental where family and friends will join us for a week.
I now am pouring over images and links of things to see and do in the area.
I know this will be one trip that will have to be followed up with return visits.
There is just so much to see and do and Snowdonia is quite a big area to cover.
My family is very outdoorsy and we do a lot of walking and enjoy outdoor activities.
I am hoping for as much sunshine as Wales will allow this blushing bride 2.0
xx
Q: Have you ever been to Wales? Or do you have any ideas for our Vow Renewal?
* Self portrait by Bonnie Rose Photography © 2012 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnie-rose.co.uk
** For more information regarding photographic services by Bonnie Rose Photography see link above.
*** Snowdonia images by photoeverywhere.co.uk
25 Weeks and Counting Down
Looking for date night outfits, I was inspired by the dress I wore at a wedding five years ago. Keeping with the blush and pinks with the fascinator for the English in me. |
My husband and I in Paris last summer for our 9th Anniversary in the city of Love. |
‘He wore black and I wore white’ – Nancy Sinatra ‘Bang Bang’ |
I have set a new years resolution for myself and though it be February, I do not see it too late to start one. I aim to take so many more photographs where Ryan and I are both in the frame together. Looking back through old photographs to post for this blog I realized that we have so many of just one of us, while the other person took the photograph. My goal is to better document our love for us to cherish and look back on when we are truly ‘old and gray’.
The lack of couple photographs aside there have been many anniversaries and huge chunks of time where we have not been together due to the military and other circumstances out of our control. I do not like missing important dates or being apart for long time, let alone an evening. I really do cherish every moment we have together for life is uncertain and far too short.
One thing that I have definitely learned in the last ten years is you cannot let the words and actions of others come into your marriage and break you apart. You have to be team. If you let other people, be they acquaintances or family, speak ill of your partner or do things that could cause friction and stress you have to block them out. What I love so much about Ryan in this moment in time where we are today is that he blocks out the toxicity of others and holds me close with so much love.