Category Archives: maychallenge

When People Oppose and Attack You

Today is the eight day of May with the Blog Every Day in May challenge. Feel free to join in and if you catch this anytime through out the month feel free to just jump right in. Day 8, Wednesday: A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.

Today’s post may seem quite short in the spectrum of my normal long winded thoughts or photography heavy posts. I honestly believe the advice I have to give can prevent a whole lot of stress, heartache, and toxicity from others into your life. Maybe what I have to say will not benefit you personally, but someone close to you. Whatever the case may be I hope this wisdom can heal or protect hearts of others.
Advice from Bonnie Rose: “Do not let unsolicited advice or negative judgments from others affect your heart, mind, and soul. If you care too much about the negative judgements and toxicity of others, it will in turn make your life toxic too. Only heartache and stress can come of it.” – Bonnie Rose (author of A Compass Rose blog)
No joke. Every time someone in my life has said something angry, negative, or mean towards me they have had something else going on in their life. Of course at the time I will inevitably get sad, hurt, and even angry by response. How else would you react to someone throwing unsolicited advice, negative comments, or hateful actions about you? In retrospect looking back at the many times this has happened, every time the person throwing this toxicity into my life has been dealing with something personal in their own life. To state it simply people like to point fingers or address the wrong in others before looking at their own life and to avoid dealing with their own problems.
There was the friend whose parents were going through a divorce, or the friend dealing with an impending divorce in secret, or the family member going through a miscarriage and trying to get pregnant. Just three examples of people dealing with real and seriously life issues that have decided to throw dirt in my face, so to speak. Real people going through real problems and then attacking someone else for whatever reason, be it true or false. To be honest I took them out of my life and focused on those that really mattered. I only wish I knew back then what I see plainly now. Whatever angry and toxic comments and actions they were directing at me was just them covering up and ignoring their own problems. It is not right, it certainly is not fair, and it most definitely is not nice. But you do not have to let the negative unsolicited advise of others affect you so deeply.
If it happens take a moment to mediate and reflect. Obviously if you are in real danger or there is a threat, act accordingly. But if their attack is not all that threatening and it just involves you ignoring them, blocking them out, or removing their toxicity from your life then do the later.
We may not be able to control other people but you can control how you react.
Sometimes people oppose or attack your choices simplybecause they are different or remind them of their own.Don’t let it get to you, be kind and make decisions youknow are good for yourself and the world. Question everything. We have to be the change we want to see in the world.– Nirrimi Joy Firebrace Brisbane, Queensland

Q: Have you ever noticed this to be true with people you have interacted with in your life? How have you dealt with the toxicity of others?

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*photographs found here either belong to Bonnie Rose of Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnie-rose.co.uk

I am Scared of Losing You

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Today is the seventh day of May with the Blog Every Day in May challenge. Feel free to join in and if you catch this anytime through out the month feel free to just jump right in. Day 7, Tuesday: The thing(s) you’re most afraid of.

I have always answered the question ‘What makes you most afraid?’ with a more serious answer than just spiders or the dark. I really do dislike spiders and find the unknown in the darkness to be quite terrifying. However, my deepest feeling of being afraid comes from the fear of being alone. Perhaps this is a common fear among the population with a need to be connected and to be heard. On a more personal level I see this fear of being alone coming from many years of having to say ‘goodbye’ and being in a new place again and again. While I would never want to have my childhood any less nomadic the price comes with times of solitude.

In my life, people do not tend to stay very long. They come and go easily, just as I move in and out easily. I have constantly and always moved every 2-3 years (if not more frequently) since I was born. My father, an officer in the USAF, was always coming and going with his job. There would be some times where he would be gone more frequently or for longer stretches of time due to war. While my self conscious has blocked out the multitude of his absence, I really only remember the good times when he was around. As a young married adult with kids of my own I really wanted to work on our relationship despite the long distance between us. At times it felt like my husband (who was then also in the military) could connect and talk with him much easier. Despite his long military career he was a very happy man full of life and love for others. I was just looking forward to being able to bond with him in my adult years. I was twenty five when was killed and ending any further connection between a daughter and her father.

I have had to deal with periods of being alone since then and have realized I pretty much fall short. It is not that I am so scared of being alone that it thwarts my life. It is that I view the purpose of living to be centered around the love and experience with those in our life. I do not believe we were made to be alone. It is in the hardest of times and the darkest of times that we need others more than ever. Having been alone and going through the loss of my dad, to be followed with the almost dissolution of my marriage within the same year is something I would not wish on another human being. I look back on those years and see how it has made me stronger. It has made some relationships in my life, like with my husband, better than before. However that fear is not gone.

I’m still terrified of losing someone.

My dad was killed on his bicycle by a person in a car under the influence of drugs.
My mother’s brother, who was mentally challenged, had been killed on a bicycle.
During my freshman year of Uni I was hit by a car on a bicycle and luckily walked away with just scrapes and bruises.

Source: Remember Charles

I have not yet let my boys ride bicycles since my dad’s passing. They have gotten to play on similar items in the safety of a yard and under my watchful eye. It is not the bicycles, but the fear of others hurting my loved ones that scares me. Mountain biking in the countryside would be fine.

In the last week my husband has gotten a bike helmet and bright orange safety backpack. His bicycle to ride to work is on its way. I would be lying if I said I was not scared. As we do not have a car he walks to and from work every day and a bicycle would cut down on the time. Having ‘gasped’ at a few drivers here in England already who are going too fast on the road I walk on with the kids it scares me that something might happen to him.

I am scared that something might happen to my family, especially now when everything is so much better. When this is the happiest and most content my family has ever been and I’m scared of what might happen.

***

I end this by saying that if you drive a car please drive safe. Nothing is so important that you are in that much of a hurry to put others in danger. Do not even touch your phone if you are operating a motor vehicle. Do not put others lives at risk just to see a text message or answer a call. If you have taken any drugs (legal or not), any alcohol or are sleep deprived do not drive. If you are a driver and there is a cyclist around you do not get upset because they are not in a car. Show respect and curtesy by giving them the proper distance and space. To me driving is a privilege and you are on the road near people who are loved by someone back home. Share the road.

Source: Remember Charles

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*photographs found here either belong to Bonnie Rose of Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnie-rose.co.uk

Hats? I wear many different shoes!

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Today is the sixth day of May with the Blog Every Day in May challenge. Feel free to join in and if you catch this anytime through out the month feel free to just jump right in.

Day 6, Monday: If you couldn’t answer with your job, how would you answer the question, ‘what do you do’?

This question may be as easy to answer as ‘where are you from?’. Which my means my answer will be not simple, nor short. What ‘I do’ has evolved with each location we move to and can change from month to month. Already as a wife and a mum of two, I wear a variety of ‘hats’ as they say. However I really think the expression should be ‘I Wear Many Shoes’ because as a female I do have an obsession with shoes. As I am a photographer, I have decided to be ‘less wordy’ today and just share with you in photos of what ‘I do’.
In no specific order here is what ‘I do’ and the many shoes I wear:

I currently work from home. I blog and will be starting as an editor at GirlGoneInternational.com

I am a travel photographer and really enjoy writing about being a TCK, an Expat, and Travel.

I really enjoy being a portrait photographer for children and families.

I work as professional portrait and wedding photographer with a background in fashion photography.

I am a trained cosmetologist and up until this year worked in salons.

I also love doing creative work outside the salon with other photographers.

I do makeup for makeovers, brides, models, and photo shoots.

I am also trained in makeup artistry which is fun for creative looks like this or for flawless look for brides.

I am an assistant on shoots. Really I just love being creative and being a part of the creative processes.

I model. I’m joking. I have ‘modeled’ but more for fun and to create some fun projects with other photographers.
These were created by the lovely Jacquie in a conceptual boudoir project as a hairstylist.

I am a wife and I work daily on our marriage. I am planning our vow renewal for August.

I go on long walks on the weekend in the country side with my family. We are kinda obsessed with country walks.

I am enthusiast of natural alternatives when it comes to what we eat and beauty regimens. I love Coconut oil.

I am a traveler and a global nomad. I feel most at home on an airplane or in an airport headed to a new destination.

I take creative conceptual self portraits. Which means I look really crazy to people passing by but all for the sake of art.

I cultivate the love of art, history, and culture in my sons. Pictured here at the museum in London, England.

I read and promote the love of books in my sons. We read together and they read ‘chapter books’ on their own.

I may be doing something more on to this in the months to come but basically I am just a person that includes ‘living life’ on my list of things that I do. I live live life by loving those around me and enjoying every moment!
Q: What do you do?

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*photographs found here either belong to Bonnie Rose of Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnie-rose.co.uk

HI – Life & Love

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Today is the fifth day of May with the Blog Every Day in May challenge. Feel free to join in and if you catch this anytime through out the month feel free to just jump right in.

Day 5, Sunday: Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them? If you don’t have blogger friends, talk about a real-life friend or even a family member.

Let me start this off by saying that I feel blessed to the number of bloggers out there that I consider friends. Though I have been blogging off and on since 2005, it has only been now in 2013 that I have started blogging every day and interacting with the blogger community. To be honest I did not know much about it before. No offense to my mum (I love you) only family members seemed to read my blog and rarely comment. Now that this whole world of bloggers has been opened to me, I daily read other blogs and interact via twitter and instagram. My only regret is not knowing about this community back when I moved to England in 2011. Especially when it comes to the other Expat bloggers. I could have easily chosen a few different bloggers in the ‘Expat’ category for this post. I held back because of my TCK personality. I tend to grab on to friendships fast (bipassing whatever social norm of stages it takes to become a ‘best friend’). To be fair as brave as I am I was a bit afraid to say ‘hey I love this girl!’ even though I may have only been blogging alongside you in this expat life for the last 4 months, 2 months, or even week. Sometimes it can be a little disheartening to keep reading and commenting on blogs where the author never comes over here to read my own. But I keep up with the truth that friendships are more about giving, than receiving. Thats why I blog to share myself and to give to others.

I hope even in despite of times when I get busy or overwhelmed in real life that I can still give and be there for you. If you feel that I am missing out on something or not keeping up feel free to embarrass me on twitter. I joke, but honestly I just love making friends and I do not want anyone to feel alienated or alone. This may be my blog, but I have started blogging in 2013 to build friendships with people all over the world.

Behind the Scenes in front of Diamond Head on a photo shoot. She was modeling and I was the hair & make up artist.

Without further adieu I would like to introduce you to a blogger friend of mine who started out as a real life best friend first. She actually started blogging because I asked her too. To be fair I surprised her with a designed blog so all she would have to do is start writing and sharing photos. I can be a bit persistent 😉 She is even more beautiful inside than she is on the outside with a big heart. She loves her family so much and her blog is focused around her Ohana. We met while both being stationed in Hawaii with branches of the military. She is currently on the mainland but will be returning soon to her home on Oahu. I met her in 2007 and since that time we have both been through a lot. There have been friends that fell off along the way or whom I realized were not friends for the right reasons. However she and I came through it better friends than when we first met. I am honoured to call her my best friend. She is my ISFL (Italian Sister For Life) as I grew up in Italy and she has Italian blood. She blogs over at HI-Life & Love and her name is Tammy.

Modeling & Photo Shoots

Around the time that I was working on more photo shoots as hair & makeup artist I started getting into photography as well. I really wanted to keep spending more time with my friend, Tammy, and so I encouraged her to get into the modeling scene in Hawaii. It was great because we had a common interest we could share together away from the military world. So while I tried to look for some awesome candid of us at Starbucks or on the beach, most of my photographs are from photo shoots. To be fair these were some of my favourite memories together. Despite how stressful life can be, photo shoots were fun because it was a get away into a different world. Besides what girl doesn’t like getting to dress up in new clothes, have her hair and make up done, and feel pretty in front of a camera?

Two of my favourite photo shoots with Tammy were ones where I was behind the camera. The first was shot for my project ‘Secret Lies of Men & Women’ where we addressed the issue of domestic abuse. The ‘Polynesian Dancer’ shoot was one of my last shoots before I left the island.

Why I love reading her blog :

This is my list of why I think you will love reading her blog. Especially if you want to escape to the life of living on an island or being by the beach you will love her.
Hi-Life&Love is a Hawaiian Lifestyle Blog.

She is love and is not afraid to proclaim it. Life is empty without love and withit the world is beautiful.

She is loving mom of two, who also shares the joys of raising a son with Aspergers. (side note: her son created this piece of artwork and I love it. Its really beautiful to see how he sees the world)

She posts about her wardrobe and how she keeps her hair so healthy, shiny, and long.

I always remember her having such beautiful nails. As someone whose nails always chip after a day, I enjoy her posts to see what creative colours and designs she chooses.

She is motivated to fitness and shares how she has gotten her rock hard abs over and over again.

Her heart is also in the kitchen and she posts about the yummy creations that she makes in there. I made a pie last year from her crust recipe and it was the best tasting pie I ever made. (thank you Tammy!)

She is also an amazing friend. Here with my Island Ohana.

http://hi-life-love.blogspot.co.uk/

Thank you for taking the time to read through about one of my blogger besties.

Thank you also for all of you who visit my blog, who leave comments,

who talk with me on twitter, and like my photos on instagram.

I look forward to seeing these beautiful blogger friendships grow this year.

#BlogEveryDayInMayRead about Day: |1|2|3|4|
*photographs found here either belong to Bonnie Rose of Bonnie Rose Photography © 2013 All Rights Reserved | www.bonnie-rose.co.uk or belong to Tammy of Hi-Life&Love blog. Please get in contact if interested in any photographs shown on A Compass Rose.

Quotes for Nomads

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Today is the fourth day of May with the Blog Every Day in May challenge.

Feel free to join in and if you catch this anytime through out the month feel free to just jump right in.

Day 4, Saturday: Favorite quote (from a person, from a book, etc) and why you love it

I love finding quotes and I wish I could hold to memory many to be recited in the perfect situation. Perhaps in another life I will be blessed with a photographic memory. One reason I love to read is to come across words that speak to your inner core. Although the prompt was for one, I have three favourite quotes to share with you. These quotes speak to a very personal level with me as a nomad and traveler. The first is spoken by the Narrator in the film adaptation of the book Chocolat.

“But still the clever north wind was not satisfied.

It spoke…of towns yet to be visited,

friends in need yet to be discovered,

battles yet to be fought.”

– Chocolat

The reason I love this quote so much is because it really speaks to me as a Third Culture Kid (TCK) and now as an ATCK. I have people constantly coming in and out of my life with moving so frequently. It has made me feel like I have lived a ‘normal’ person’s lifetime in my mere thirty years. I am always being called to some place new and get itchy feet when I have not traveled to somewhere recently. To me the purpose of life is the experiences and I want to experience all the world has to offer. Those lines spoken by the narrator really tap into that nomadic existence and has been a favourite amongst my other TCK friends.

The second quote is from one of my favourite authors, Tolkien. I have been a huge fan of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings series from a young age. I read from the same books to my kids that my dad used to read from to me. If I ever wanted to get a quote tattooed on my body it would probably be the following.

“Not all those who wander are lost.”

– J.R.R.Tolkien

As a TCK, you can feel that you do not belong anywhere or that you do not have a home. You move so much and wander this world to have roots in one place. However I feel enriched in this truth. Which is why the statement about not being lost hits home to me. To be fair this quote is taken out of a poem which is found in his book, The Fellowship of the Ring, twice and is a lovely poem in its own right. The poem is about the ranger, Aragorn, who later takes his place as King. The first time the poem is mentioned it is in a letter to the Hobbits from Gandalf, before the Hobbits know that Strider is indeed Aragorn.

“All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.“

– J.R.R.Tolkein

My last quote to share with you today is from another of my favourite authors, Earnest Hemingway. I would have to say my favourite books of his are A Sun Also Rises and A Moveable Feast. This quote is from the latter. For me it really fits in with how cities, countries, and cultures embed themselves in my life and stay apart of me forever.

“If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man,

then wherever you go for the rest of your life it stays with you,

for Paris is a moveable feast.“

– Ernest Hemingway

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Q: Have you read any of these books and do you like these quotes too?

Or do you have other quotes that speak to you as a traveler?

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Bonnie Rose

Travel: Ugly Tourists make me Uncomfortable

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Today is the third day of May with the Blog Every Day in May challenge.

Feel free to join in and if you catch this anytime through out the month feel free to just jump right in.

Day 3, Friday: Things that make you uncomfortable

Traveling with or being around the ‘Ugly Tourist’ makes me very much uncomfortable. Given that I stand out already with an American accent if you are an offender from the US of A, I will want to put as much distance between us as possible. Coincidentally I have movstly lived in highly touristy areas giving me plenty of run ins with the Ugly Tourist. While some can be outrageously obnoxious I have realized others are just ignorant to traveling outside of your country. You cannot correct what you do not know to be wrong. Perhaps this will be enlightening to some to help you in your upcoming travels abroad. For the rest of you who want to run for the hills when getting too close to these un-savvy travelers, feel free to comment below with your own stories.

I Feel Uncomfortable by Ugly Tourists Who…

…Will Not Try New Foods.

They are the ones you find eating at well known fast food franchises instead of local cuisine. Or who ask for traditional dishes from their home country whether or not it is on the menu. Personally for me to experience a culture you have to experience their food. We had the opportunity to live in Hawaii for a few years which is rich in a variety of Asian restaurants. My sons still have a great love for dim sum, pho, pancit, and sushi to name a few. However, we had people visit us who would not even allow us to take them to a restaurant that did not serve ‘American food’ (their quote not mine). I grew up in a family that moved and traveled in Europe through out my childhood. We took a trip to Poland and ordered blindly off a menu and ate whatever came. I highly suggest putting the experience over the comfort because you can always eat at home what you would eat normally.

…Who Expect Different Portion Sizes.

This may be more geared towards the ‘Ugly Americans’ opposed to tourists from other nations. It is no secret that many Americans are overweight and it is brought up in conversation with me by people here in the UK. Food portions outside of America in other countries can be much smaller. Even when it comes to drinks you have to remember glass sizes will be smaller and without refills. If you are still hungry or still thirsty you can always order more.

…Are Not Modest.

Many places that tourists go to visit when on vacation include places of worship. However not all tourists are familiar with the modesty rules to go inside these places. If you are female you more than likely will not be admitted inside if you are wearing short skirts or shorts and if your shoulders are not covered. Some places also may request that the female covers her head with a shawl. Last year in a church in Italy I lost count of how many times our guide had to interrupt himself to stop a female tourist from coming inside due to modesty issues. The best thing to do is to plan your trip and then dress accordingly to the day. Some places will provide shawls that you can use to cover your shoulders, but you should not rely on that assumption.

…Dress Like A Slob.

Obvious to most you should really wear clean clothes. However you really can stick out as a tourist by looking like a slob in context to the country you are visiting. If you are traveling to Europe the rule of thumb is to wear well tailored clothes and only wear tennis shoes if you are going to the gym. That does not mean you have to wear a suit when on vacation. Just take a look online of what the locals wear in the country and dress to impress. As a traveler you only get a first impression by locals when interacting in the country. In this case appearances do mean something.

…Brings Their Obnoxious Attitudes.

I dislike to point fingers but when I found out that the cast of the Jersey Shore was going to Italy I immediately cringed. Having grown up in Italy twice I never met anyone who acted and spoke the way the Jersey Shore cast does, despite their Italian heritage. Know that you are a guest in the host country and you will be watched and judged accordingly. You are representing your whole country back home when abroad so be the best representation of it. Dial down the personality as you resepect the country you are visiting.

…Do No Respect A Country’s History.

Those tourists who see things and then make remarks about how they have ‘old thing’s back home too. Or who bring up the past history and make very rude remarks or questions to the locals. Tread carefully and do not compare your home country to the host country. It is very beneficial to read up about the country before you travel. It will give you a new found respect and make you more informed about the country instead of only knowing about the beach or party scene of that location.

…Feels Entitled In Their Host Country.

I remember being on my honeymoon in Cozumel, Mexico and it was my husband’s first time out of the United States and Canada. The US Coast Guard was there and we unfortunately kept running into them at the hotel or out in town. I say unfortunately because they were the young naive tourist type who spoke and acted very loudly. We remember one such loud conversation they had with the hotel concierge about not getting the right room on the argument of ‘but WE are the US Coast Guard!’.

…Criticizes Cultural Differences And Customs as Strange.

Remember that you are a guest. People will watch and listen to you more carefully because of that fact. Especially if you are in a group. The slight comments you make when you dont understand the culture or find something strange, keep to the hotel room. You will not only be offending people and the country but coming across as very rude. Just because something is different does not make it wrong.

…Speak Loudly To Non English Speaking People In English.

It does not matter how loud you talk or how loud and slowly you yell people will not understand you better. They will only understand how rude you are. I was in a 7-Eleven buying water in Thailand when an American family was talking louder and louder to the shop keeper. At the point where their tone got angry as well as loud I put down my water and took my business elsewhere. No one wants to be around that.

…Get Frustrated With the Locals For Not Speaking English.

Which leads us to the next point of do not get upset just because the locals do not speak your language. While it can be frustrating and even a bit scary to not be able to communicate, keep your attitude in check. It is not a written rule that everyone should speak English or which ever language you are trying to speak. Take a breath and move on.

…Expect The Host Country To Be Like The USA.

People and customs differ from country to country. It can be easy to assume small things will be the same in the host country, so do not get frustrated when things end up being different. I smiled kindly to a waitress after having a family member visiting asking for ice for her drink. Do not expect to always find things like ice cubes, air conditioning, central heating, king size beds, flat sheets, english menus, etc when in the host country. Further more asking for it or asking why it is not available is not the best way to act. Accept the differences and focus on the perks of the host country.

Whether you learned something or just shook your head in remembrance of an Ugly Tourist you have met let me know what you thought in the comment section below.

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VLOG: Interacting with Third Culture Kids

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Today is the second day of May with the Blog Every Day in May challenge. Feel free to join in and if you catch this anytime through out the month feel free to just jump right in. I will be posting my normal posts, so you get a special treat of two different posts for each day this month. Read about Day 1.

Day 2, Thursday: Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you’d like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)

I decided to do a VideoLog (VLOG) on how to interact with Third Culture Kids (TCKs).

I hope you find this informative and if you would like to know more about TCKs click the top link.

I wrote out what I wanted to say for 80% of this and the rest was just me talking. You will be able to tell when I run out of my ‘script’ because I will start saying ‘um’ frequently. I apologize and I hope to get better at my future VLOGS. Unfortunately my editing software did not want to corporate today. Let me know if you liked this VLOG and if you would like me to do more of them on the blog.

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